11/14 comics

Far be it for me to proofread a comic (then again, I'm already queering them, translating them, and teaching them how to canoe), but as someone who's dabbled in the freelance copy editing in the past and who edits all sorts of writing for cool gay blog, I just can't over look that your/you're mistake in panel one. You'd be surprised what intelligent and creative writers make that mistake.

Of course, United Features Media should have someone on top of that. I'm guessing that Rose is Rose is so diabeticly sweet that s/he can't even stand to read the text to find errors in several dozen words, and neither can the writer.


I'll ignore the big ol' period after "find" as just an unfortunate blotch on the paper (post-Photoshop there's really no excuse, but, *sigh*), and focus instead on the recipe... what exactly is this Plugger reading? Polenta, orzo, tahini, and jicama? That sounds less "coastal, librul, big-city, Kerry-votin', gay-marryin', war-protestin' froo-froo food" and more "things mixed together like condiments at a junior high school cafeteria and then people are dared to eat." Gross.


"He's taking all the line"? "Keep the pressure on"? "Rod tip up"? "He's huge"?

This is intentional at this point, right? Or did RMMD writer Woody Wilson has been spending too much time on the Nifty. (Link NSFW)

Qomics for Everybody but Me Edition

Even though there are occasionally actual queer references in the comics, I still feel like there's a comic for everyone out there in the world but me! Here are a few examples of all the cool groups of people for whom there are comics:


There are comics for anarchists:



Comics for people who haven't heard of primary elections:



Comics for the obsessive-compulsive:



Comics for people who find Peter Parker sexy:



Comics for 5-year-olds (haha, poop is funny!):



Comics for PETA propagandists:



Comics for demon-possessed dog owners:



Comics for people who have followed Blondie long enough to notice every detail of Dagwood's outfit:



Comics for people who enjoy road-head:



And, finally, comics for horrid human/beast mutants who were never meant to be:


***

OK, and I have two others. First, Rex Morgan, M.D.:

Yeah, why didn't he? I mean, she's a woman, answering the door and showing her face to who knows what men, and he's off thinking that his new bride is safe in the cabin. Doesn't she know her place?

But all this talk of newlyweds spending an entire week alone in a cabin has one thing on Niki's mind, as he looks right at it in panel three. Sit tight, there, Niki! Soon Rex'll get you to that cabin!


And BC:

OK, here we have a dating service with a woman behind a desk in its proper context: 20,000 years in the past. No, wait, I mean 5-6000! Sorry, BC, I forgot that the world is no more than 6000-years-old!

Last Thursday's comics

I know that you're all about a week ahead of me in the comics, but I'm going to guess that Niki falls into the cold water, Rex jumps in and saves him, Rex comforts him through his Katrina flashback, Rex suggests they take off their clothes to avoid hypothermia and since he's a doctor....

So, question: who does it reflect more poorly on that my mind is going there when I read this RMMD, me or whoever writes it?




I have to admit, I found this Family Circus funny. Probably because I'm already used to the humor in Zippy the Pinhead, since this little circle has a whole lot of absurdism in it.

Jeffy here obviously knows what he's doing - he's going to menace his family with some drum banging whether they like it or not. He throws in a little diva comment just for some extra flair, like one would toss a pink feather boa over his shoulder, to let them know that he knows how ridiculous he's being. And he just doesn't care because he's going to bang on that drum. The real-life Keanes' now regular inattention to detail has been broken by that equally ridiculous-looking snare drum. That's twice the size of a Keane kid's head! That's huge!

The best part is the parents exchanging glances - they know that now they can bang away all they want in their room and little Jeffy won't hear - and showing just how mundane Jeffy's diva-ness has become and how incredibly apathetic they are to his desperate attempt to get attention.

Jeffy will make the best drag queen when he grows up!




Haw haw, Ziggy's going to die a poor old man who has to collect cans to get money for his medications or food, his forced choice. Oh, this Ziggy's a killer!

But at least there was some sexy, sexy sex

Oh, yes, sex is the meat and potatoes of the comics.


Niki and Rex are going on some vaguely rather very very very homoerotic camping trip. I'm here just in time for the action!

But I totally missed the young Dr. Cameron on Vera action in Mary Worth. Balls!

I don't know what happened, but, whatever it was, Vera looks pissed. As much as Mary wants to exercise her Powers of Meddling to keep the two together, it's looking like the sheer power of Vera gaze could stop Drew heart.

Unless that's all part of Mary master plan: get the young, unbalanced career woman in desperate need of love and stability hooked up with her boyfriend's son, a guy whom Mary knows is a *cough* *cough* slut *cough* *cough*, resulting in him dying and Mary having one less family member with whom to compete for the good doctor's time. Sinister, passive-aggressive, horrifyingly selfish, and murderous, so I'm thinking it fits Mary's MO.

Seriously, though, I haven't read this comic in two months, but I'm guessing Drew cheated on Vera with Horsey Girl. Am I correct?


The sexy, sexy, sexiness here I'm referring to isn't the Tommie shoulder in panel two (gawd, she's even boring when she's naked), nor is it Margo's bathrobe and ponytail look. Those would be enough on a normal day, but today....

Well, I misinterpreted Margo in panel three the first time I read it. Here in France, like much of Europe, the showers don't have heads that are fixed on the wall; rather, they're hanging on a hook and have a hose that you have to hold in one hand and spray on yourself. So when Margo says "Aim lower", I'm thinking she's referring to something quite different....

I like my explanation better, because there's no real point in telling Tommie Thompson to look dowdy. I mean, it's like telling a fish to swim....

Friday's Rex Morgan, M.D.

Holy Hannah, this is getting dirty! "We're going to help each other"? "I don't know much about that stuff... but I'll try"? Good golly, I'm speechless. I can't make a joke about this because it would be completely tasteless, so I'll just let Rex's words stand for themselves.

Tuesday's Rex Morgan, M.D.

It "puts guys like you and me together"????? Rex, Rex, Rex, Rex, didn't you learn anything from To Catch a Predator about how not to sound creepy?

Oh, wait, better question: Are you capable of learning at all? While your wife is feeling the brunt of your error in telling your real name to Hugh Avery just because he treated you as a driver, when you were driving, you're over here racking up some registered sex offender points with the young Niki. One problem at a time, Rex, one problem at a time.

Saturday's Rex Morgan, M.D.

Well, I'm still catching up with the comics here. So while all of you probably read this RMMD last Saturday when it was current, I just came across it. But I'm sure that no one here is surprised that this RMMD is appearing on this blog.

I'm kind of mortified by this one. I knew that Rex was eager to get June out of the house that evening (or a month ago in real time), but I assumed that he would at least be inviting over a guy he picked up at a bar or online. Like, you know, have some decency. But he's going right in on Niki. The dialogue reads like something straight out of a Nifty erotic story here, both in its clumsiness and its "I'm the nice, trustworthy man who waited until his wife left the house to ask to have a 'special relationship' with you." Niki asks how to start, but I think we all know where that's going.

So, ewwwwwwwww.

(Just to clarify, I'm not ragging on the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program. They seem totally cool and do great work. But there are a whole lot less creepy ways to go about doing something like this.)

Last Sunday's Rex Morgan, M.D.

Well, well, well. It looks like Dr. Rex "I can't think to think up a fake name" Morgan's stupidity is going to make this whole plan fall through. Everything about this is screaming drunk drama, from Hugh not pointing his mouth in the direction of the people he's talking with in panel four making it seem like he's accusing the wall of a conspiracy to June's "I'm gonna fuck you up" anger in panel three, from Hugh's dizziness and quick trip to Nausea-Land in panel six to Heather turning on the waterworks apropos nothing in panel 7. This is going to be some fun that can only end with them all crying about how they hurt each other, either staying awake to sober up or just passing out and dealing with it in the morning.

Actually, I wonder about Heather's drunkeness here. She did start crying at the perfect moment to distract Hugh, although it's not like she can get off the hook forever. Like they say, "Hell hath no wrath like a spoiled, English son of a millionaire scorned by his nanny-cum-stepmother," or something like that.

Friday's Rex Morgan, M.D.

See? What did I say, Rex should have lied about his name. And now his stupidity is going to bite June in the ass. Go Rex.

Rex Morgan, M.D.

Wow. Just wow. June is going over to a woman who may have just lost her husband in a tragedy in the icy North Atlantic, and she can't even offer to bring over food and makes Heather cook for her. Appalling, but par for course for the Morgans.

Of course, Heather's husband isn't actually lost. His plane will be found floating on an iceberg or something similar, he'll be rescued and will in turn rescue Avery International from spoiled-son-on-scheming-stepmom violence.

Rex Morgan, M.D.

Rex seems a little too anxious to have June spend the night elsewhere. Considering he's right in front of his computer, I wouldn't be surprised if he were on Manhunt right now looking for a hook up.

Haha, I wonder what his description there is like. "5'11"/170#/brn/brn/5.5c white doctor. Into making out/ws/jo/anal/light SM and other sane fun. Vers but prefer btm. Athletic and masculine and you be too. Nonsmoker and social drinker. Can host tonight only, DISCREET a must."

I'm looking over that, and I'm realizing that the only people who'll understand that joke are those people who frequent gay male sex sites and read RMMD daily. And I'm sure there are so many people like that.

Rex Morgan, M.D.

Just when you thought Rex couldn't get any more emotionally immature, he assumes that a man doesn't care that his father died because he confused a guy he didn't know who showed up with a sign with his name on it at the airport with the help, even though that guy didn't correct him.

Like, I think that we're below a 5-year-old's level of emotional empathy here. Dennis Mitchell even has a better sense of "appropriate".

Rex Morgan, M.D.

Rex apparently can't even be incompetent competently.

Rule number one in the Guide to Pretending to Be a Stupid Driver to Stall a British Businessman and Indirectly Boost your Portfolio: Don't give your real name.

Well, Rex blew that. Expect a call from the SEC next week, Rex.

Rex Morgan, M.D.

Rex is pretending, right? I mean, he didn't really forget where his car is, right? I can't tell, since I was sure he'd get lost either way. He's just such a good actor, I can't tell the difference between his fake ditzy and his real ditzy.

Wait, why is he picking Hugh up if he doesn't know him and he's not a hired driver?

Rex Morgan, M.D

Well, we see where Rex's values are here. Will he stall Hugh Avery to help his friend Heather? No, business before friendship. Will he stall Hugh Avery to increase the value of his stock portofolio? No, morals before business. Will he stall Hugh Avery because Hugh confused Rex with the help? Yes, pettiness before morals.


This might all be a metaphor for GLAAD. They didn't release a statement about Don Imus until after CBS fired him (which would have been good for "friendship" with other civil rights and anti-defamation groups), see no reason why they should allow actual gay programming to be eligible for the GLAAD Media Awards (which would be good for queer business), didn't feel the need to stand up for our Black queer brothers and sisters for years when Shirley Q. Liquor was running around in blackface (which is just what it morally should be doing since it's about accurate and fair representation of gays and lesbians, and last time I checked some Black people are also gay and lesbian), but if Isaiah Washington says the word "faggot" in an off-stage conversation, off with his head! (Yeah, I just made a new rule for myself for this blog: no political rants. They can be simultaneously alienating and constructive, but I think I'm just going to take the humor blog route and keep it off here to a reasonable extent. But Rex is still childish, and I wouldn't like him any other way.)

Rex Morgan, M.D.

That really shouldn't be too much a problem, Rex, considering you've been stalling him for two weeks already. Seriously, did you even remember to pick Hugh Avery up at the airport? Or to come home?

Qomics for Queers, established well before the Industrial Revolution and its bourgeois construction of gender

What a week's it's been! I'm beginning to feel a lot like Luann Powers, more and more work, less and less time, and the ghost of a tonalist artist floating around me forcing me to paint.

Well, all except for that last one.


Let's start with this Friday's Snuffy Smith:

I can't get over just how sad Jughaid looks in panel two. This is a break from Snuffy Smith convention, specifically the one where all the characters have to laugh in the final panel. Here are a few examples:





I, of course, think that this is just jealousy. Those are some pretty schnazzy shoes!

Especially considering Tuesday's:

Consider that frilly pink apron. Something tells me that Maw didn't make Jughaid put it on. I mean, why would she when he's just peeling potatoes? That's a whole lot cleaner than all of the other shenanigans Jughaid gets into. I'm sure he put it on because he likes it, and I say more power to him. Seriously.

But what gets me is the fact that Jughaid puts himself in Beetle's position in his fantasy. Coincidence or shout-out to the funny page's gayest couple? You decide.


Tuesday's Family Circus:

Left to his own devices, Jeffy's turned into a rage-filled zombie out to kill Thelma!

The next line was Jeffy's response, which I'm sure was something along the lines of "No, I won't hit anything with it, Daddy. There isn't a thing in this house that I want to hit."


This Saturday's Rex Morgan, M.D.:

"That will buy us the time we need! Rex is dumb as a brick and can't handle that whole press harder on the gas to go faster thing, so he drives at 10 miles an hour everywhere he goes! He'll probably get lost, too, on the way to his own home! Ingenious plan putting your husband's stupidity to work for us, June's talking breast!"

Well, the other way to interpret the final panel is that everyone assumes Hugh and Rex will find another way to pass the time on the way back from the airport....


We continue in the Tyler Jay drama from last week with this Thursday's Gil Thorp:

Here we see Tyler Jay at the only three angles that Frank McLaughlin can draw: the Zordon floating head in panel one, suave Superman close-up in panel two, and 11-year-old neighbor boy in panel three.

Tyler says he's cured, but enquiring minds need to know: from what??? Last week he came out, so to speak, and now he's been thrown into therapy. He pronounces himself instantly cured and repeats it over and over for community approval. Now he needs to play some sports and continue visiting a therapist to cure him of a "problem" that the week before he was proud of.

That's right, folks, Tyler Jay is being allegorically ex-gayed. The parallels are astounding.

Or, this whole strip might be working on a metaphysical plane way above my head. "You've barely started, Tyler Jay, transcending space-time to become one with the baseball. You bashed open your head, and now you must drink this tea to begin your spirit-journey."

Hold up, what is Tyler doing at coach Thorp's house?


And your Family Circus Audre Lorde rewrite:

Rex Morgan, M.D.

"That will buy us the time we need! Rex is dumb as a brick and can't handle that whole press harder on the gas to go faster thing, so he drives at 10 miles an hour everywhere he goes! He'll probably get lost, too, on the way to his own home! Ingenious plan putting your husband's stupidity to work for us, June's talking breast!"

Well, the other way to interpret the final panel is that everyone assumes Hugh and Rex will find another way to pass the time on the way back from the airport....

Qomics for Queers - For the record, I blame King Media Features

Well, my fears from last week were misplaced; there's absolutely no shortage of gayness in this week's comics. It did, however, take me all of two days to actually put this together. It definitely couldn't have been caused by a lack of motivation. This Wednesday's Slylock Fox (after the jump) was, for a comics-outer, like looking into the face of God and having Him whisper back, "I love you". I was reminded why I got into this business: immature penis jokes. Because, even with all its bells and perks and whistles, isn't that what being a comics-outer is really all about?


Let's start with Saturday's 9 Chickweed Lane:

Wow! An actual gay reference in a real comic! Inclusive! Well-drawn! Wonderful! Well... except for that tiny, tiny detail: it makes no sense. Here are some possible explanations:
1. Cartoonist McEldowney thinks that "Oh, sweetie, if only" is some kind of universally known gay pick-up line, like "Lookin??"
2. The first two panels have nothing to do with the joke; Seth just really doesn't like Mark's goatee.
3. For the length of time that is panel 2, Seth thought that Mark was a carnivorous lion, making him envy the quick instincts of real gazelles.
4. I joined the boat way too late on 9 Chickweed Lane, and the strip has developed its own alphabet and language that only looks like English, and the above conversation is really a mother-in-law joke.


Friday's Family Circus:

This pretty much explains itself, I guess. One little gay boy drew a Village People moustache on his infantile brother. Seriously, people, nothing to look at here.


This Friday's Dennis the Menace:

Considering the outfit you're wearing, cowboy, I don't think it was your room she wanted you to straighten.


Wednesday's Rex Morgan, M.D.:

It's funny because it's true! It happens like this every time when I have to pull away from my vapid, self-absorbed life and boyfriend to show some sort of affection towards my wife after she talks me into mentoring a teenage near-orphan with flattery, and I'm closing in and closing my eyes like someone would plug their nose to take bad medicine, and it's always like, BANG!, saved by the gunshot!


This Wednesday's Slyock Fox:

Any more? Let's see.... Banana? No, that has seven letters. Penis? No, five. Johnson... no, no no, that has seven letters. Hmmm, these puzzles are really hard!