11/13 comics

I remember when I first came out to myself, as the kids are calling it these days, way back when puberty hit. Growing up in exurban/small town Indiana, I really didn't know what to do with it. I had a vague idea that I would wait until college before anything really happened in terms of sexuality. That's what I thought in junior high, and high school changed things around a little....

But it seems that Jeffy is having similar thought,s albeit at a younger age. Hang in there, Jeffy! There'll be great boys, I mean, toys to play with in college!


This Pluggers answers one of the biggest questions that I have about the Plugger-verse: Can anyone just send in whatever yo mama joke they've heard or insult they've received and get published?

The answer is an unequivocal "yes".

11/12 comics

Oh, don't lie, Jeffy! Just tell Mom what you'll be able to say one day, that the way to a boy's heart is through his ass.


Judging by the Breton flag in panel one, the kids aren't in America anymore, they're in western France.

I don't really know what this fact does to explain the comment in panel three, other than maybe it's the result of a bad translation. Well, it's either that or it's just another one of Funky's "Gee, high school students sure are dumb!" jokes. In which case, carry on, Funky, carry on.


Ziggy isn't using a search engine; he's listening to Salt n' Pepa's Very Necessary album!

Wednesday comics

"The Amazon site"? That's another one of those phrases that no one in real life would ever say and yet somehow made it into the comics. Saying "amazon dot com" is what people actually say, the way the site is advertised, and the way people who use webpages for purchases actually refer to those webpages.

I'm going to venture a guess here and say that Amazon just didn't want any Crankshaft readers on their site. I'd say bad things about those people, but that demographic includes me.


Otherwise, Ruff, I'd have to kill you.


One day you'll learn, Jeffy, that pretty bois don't have to be smart.

Last Thursday's comics

I know that you're all about a week ahead of me in the comics, but I'm going to guess that Niki falls into the cold water, Rex jumps in and saves him, Rex comforts him through his Katrina flashback, Rex suggests they take off their clothes to avoid hypothermia and since he's a doctor....

So, question: who does it reflect more poorly on that my mind is going there when I read this RMMD, me or whoever writes it?




I have to admit, I found this Family Circus funny. Probably because I'm already used to the humor in Zippy the Pinhead, since this little circle has a whole lot of absurdism in it.

Jeffy here obviously knows what he's doing - he's going to menace his family with some drum banging whether they like it or not. He throws in a little diva comment just for some extra flair, like one would toss a pink feather boa over his shoulder, to let them know that he knows how ridiculous he's being. And he just doesn't care because he's going to bang on that drum. The real-life Keanes' now regular inattention to detail has been broken by that equally ridiculous-looking snare drum. That's twice the size of a Keane kid's head! That's huge!

The best part is the parents exchanging glances - they know that now they can bang away all they want in their room and little Jeffy won't hear - and showing just how mundane Jeffy's diva-ness has become and how incredibly apathetic they are to his desperate attempt to get attention.

Jeffy will make the best drag queen when he grows up!




Haw haw, Ziggy's going to die a poor old man who has to collect cans to get money for his medications or food, his forced choice. Oh, this Ziggy's a killer!

Family Circus Inferno!

OK, and I'll do Family Circus.


From 7/18:

I really like the facial expressions on the kids here. Billy's look of disappointment is probably him realizing that as a first child of the same sex as his father he's going to grow up to be a lot like his old man, and he's worried about that goddamn sense of humor.

Dolly's face shows she just doesn't get the joke, or that she's choosing not to show that she got the joke. As in "We are not amused." The idea of a little Keane being a complete snob and totally snooty to the character portraying the cartoon's creator really amuses me.

PJ, looking right at the parrot and smiling, seems to be thinking Birdie, birdie, birdie! I want a birdie! Bully for him, he missed his dad's lame joke and maybe, just maybe, his blossoming ADD will prevent him from ever falling victim to it.

But Jeffy's, as always, takes the cake. He's the only one who looks ready to fuck someone up. Someone should really take that sword away from him before he takes out his rage on his mom.


7/24:

I don't know what it is about two little white girls standing around and trash talking Uncle Tom that makes me smile, but it's something.


7/31:

I don't think it was a good move for The Family Circus to go into reruns. People will be reminded that there was a time in history when it didn't suck.

Monday's Family Circus

I don't think we've ever seen any of these little big-headed kids so angry. I mean, he has the furrowed brow, lines-on-cheeks, stink lines, and a spiral above his head. That's pretty angry.

So what has this little mo's panties in a bunch? A bad haircut. Seriously. It seems like we missed a bigger diva moment than any of Margo Magee's tirades judging by Big Bil Keane's comment.

Tuesday's Family Circus

OMG, Jeffy's so gay. Like, just wow. Stunned.

I've had the evidence of him being gay going for a while now, examining him psychoanalytically, theologically, and Sherlock-Holmes-ically, but I think this panel is definitive proof.

Oh man. Such a gay kid. So so gay. Can't get over it. TFC might have become one of my favorite comics because of it.

The Family Circus

OK, who put that shirt on PJ?

Dolly's statement and facial expression indicates that it wasn't her, and I'll buy that. Bil probably wouldn't put one of his shirts his household's main source of vomit (next to Barfy), so he's out. Thelma, I imagine, would be above such jokes. PJ is far too small to reach the shirt and seems far to unhappy with the result.

So we're left with Billy and Jeffy. My money's on Jeffy. First, Billy actually has a life (school, friends, kiddy league baseball). Second, Jeffy's the only one with a motive. Considering that he's in love with his father, and the object of his affection is beyond reach, we can only guess what sort of sick games he had in mind for PJ.

Saturday's Family Circus

First, no, Jeff Keane, this is not a joke. It's not funny, it's not cute, it's not even mildly amusing. I don't know what the technical requirements are to be a joke, but this definitely doesn't count. D-

Second, I always assumed the Keanes were Protestant. Hm. You learn something new every day.

Third, now that I got those first two out of the way, what this really reminds me of is the Christian homodevotionalism described in Mark Jordan's Silence of Sodom:

The most important theological facts about Catholicism and homosexuality are not the bureaucratic words that Catholic authorities speak. The truly significant facts concern the homosexuality of the Catholic Church itself – of members of its priesthood and its clerical culture, of its rituals and spiritual traditions.

He goes on to describe how the camp, the outlet for sexual repression in devotion to Christ, and the homosex living conditions of the priesthood attract a whole lot of gays into the priesthood.

Eve Sedgwick in The Epistemology of the Closet says this of gay boys and their relationship to the Church:

Catholicism in particular is famous for giving countless gay and proto-gay children the shock of possibility of adults who don't marry, of men in dresses, of passionate theatre, of introspecive investment of lives filled with what could, ideally without diminution, be called the work of fetish.

So here we have a boy, who by all indications is gay, on one knee talking to Jesus. He's taking a culturally ubiquitous symbol of marriage proposal and is now applying it to Jesus. Robert Goss in Queering Christ says:

Theological traditions originating in the Deutero-Pauline letter to the Ephesians identify the church as the "bride of Christ." [...] For centuries, Catholic priests have been encouraged and formed to seek an erotic comsummation as brides of Christ, as in the Song of Songs: "Let him kiss me with kisses of his mouth" (Song of Songs 1:1). Priests in training were formed spiritually and encouraged to see themselves as "brides," to be penetrated and kissed by the bride-groom.

And as Jeffy attempts to marry Christ in the way he's seen other men attempt to marry, which I guess is cute and might be considered a nice little joke here, Dolly has walked in on him. Look how shocked Jeffy is. Poor kid! He's been caught and Dolly doesn't even let him get off his one knee before she's goes to tell on him!

Scarred for life, this Jeffy.

The Family Circus

STOP THE MADNESS, JEFFY! It's not worth it!

Qomics for Queers - For the record, I blame King Media Features

Well, my fears from last week were misplaced; there's absolutely no shortage of gayness in this week's comics. It did, however, take me all of two days to actually put this together. It definitely couldn't have been caused by a lack of motivation. This Wednesday's Slylock Fox (after the jump) was, for a comics-outer, like looking into the face of God and having Him whisper back, "I love you". I was reminded why I got into this business: immature penis jokes. Because, even with all its bells and perks and whistles, isn't that what being a comics-outer is really all about?


Let's start with Saturday's 9 Chickweed Lane:

Wow! An actual gay reference in a real comic! Inclusive! Well-drawn! Wonderful! Well... except for that tiny, tiny detail: it makes no sense. Here are some possible explanations:
1. Cartoonist McEldowney thinks that "Oh, sweetie, if only" is some kind of universally known gay pick-up line, like "Lookin??"
2. The first two panels have nothing to do with the joke; Seth just really doesn't like Mark's goatee.
3. For the length of time that is panel 2, Seth thought that Mark was a carnivorous lion, making him envy the quick instincts of real gazelles.
4. I joined the boat way too late on 9 Chickweed Lane, and the strip has developed its own alphabet and language that only looks like English, and the above conversation is really a mother-in-law joke.


Friday's Family Circus:

This pretty much explains itself, I guess. One little gay boy drew a Village People moustache on his infantile brother. Seriously, people, nothing to look at here.


This Friday's Dennis the Menace:

Considering the outfit you're wearing, cowboy, I don't think it was your room she wanted you to straighten.


Wednesday's Rex Morgan, M.D.:

It's funny because it's true! It happens like this every time when I have to pull away from my vapid, self-absorbed life and boyfriend to show some sort of affection towards my wife after she talks me into mentoring a teenage near-orphan with flattery, and I'm closing in and closing my eyes like someone would plug their nose to take bad medicine, and it's always like, BANG!, saved by the gunshot!


This Wednesday's Slyock Fox:

Any more? Let's see.... Banana? No, that has seven letters. Penis? No, five. Johnson... no, no no, that has seven letters. Hmmm, these puzzles are really hard!

Qomics for Queers - Belated Presidents' Day Edition

I begin every week with a sense of dread about the upcoming QfQ post, rooted in a fear that there might not be any queer comics the entire week. What if every one of the comics' artists are completely aware of what they're doing? What if my usual suspects stay away from anything remotely related to sexuality? What if I'm stuck doing a re-write of The Family Circus and photoshopping the word "cock" into an Archie and calling it a day?

What happens when your work is completely dependent on the silliness of others is you live in constant fear of other people wising up.

Fortunately, this week there are oh-so-many comics to look at. I wanted to save some of them for next week in a special place (my underwear drawer?) just in case there are slim pickin's. Alas, I cannot; they'll grow stale and become useless. This week we have everything from gay dead presidents to gay high school athletics hijinks.


Let's start with this Friday's La Cucaracha:


There is plenty of evidence to suggest that President Lincoln was gay. So when he showed up at The Barrio Bugle earlier this week looking to place a personal, my ears were all a-twitter. After appearing a little uneasy about doing what it takes to impress straight women on Thursday, though, we see his actual personal ad.

What's that? 100% gender neutral "running mate" instead of Single Professional Woman? "No fatties"? "Splitting logs"? Do I need to spell it out?

Now, the question on everyone's mind is undoubtedly "What has become of Lincoln's lover Joshua Speed?" Well, the answer is quite simple. It's 2007. The dude's long dead. That may make one question why Lincoln's still alive, but it's La Cucaracha, and it doesn't have to explain nothing to no one.


Here's Thursday's Gil Thorp:


I'm sorry to take everyone's attention away from the Tyler-got-attacked-and-Brynna-is-framing-RJ drama unfolding at Gil Thorp, but is RJ grabbing his teammate's cock in panel one? Is this part of some desperate and elaborate scheme to prove his innocence?

Also, Coach Thorp's advice in panel two seems to be walking the fine line between Yoda-like wisdom and Nifty-like dialogue.


Wednesday's Family Circus:


If Jeffy's going to be the comics' token gay kid, then does he have to be dumb as a brick? Where's GLAAD on this one? And just what is Jeff Keane trying to say here? I demand answers!


Friday's Beetle Bailey:


The comics censor foul language in a way unlike any other medium. TV bleeps out the middle part of a word, letting one know exactly what was said, print media use dashes or asterisks corresponding to the exact number of letters of the word in question and leaving enough of it there to let anyone over the age of 8 know what word it was, and movies have a ratings system so they can just say the word to anyone able to sneak in. The comics, though, use old-school wingdings to get the point across.

Of course, no one can actually know what's really being said. In this example, @-squiggly-star can mean anything.

So I'm going to read @-squiggly-star to mean "cocksucking".

So, yowza, Beetle! Not only is he insulting his superior officer, he's making fun of his lover for being gay. That hurts! I'd know!

Now, this might make it seem like a pretty unhealthy relationship, but Beetle and Sarge have always had a relationship that was like a violent version of The Lockhorns' love/hate-but-mostly-hate relationship. Wait, no, their rhetorical deathgrip on one another is just about as unhealthy as a relationship can get. Oh Beetle, just end it gracefully.


This Friday's Bizarro:


Yep, just giving a foot rub to get the job. Totally a foot rub.


Last, but not least, Monday's Slylock Fox:


Alex: Did you see that one Slylock Fox with that massive and muscular bull who was almost naked and pretending to take a bath?
Friend: Yeah....
Alex: Were you turned on by that?
Friend: No, that's stupid.
Alex: Uhhh, yeah! It's totally dumb. Just, uhh, making sure you thought so too.

Qomics for Queers: Beating around the Bush

Did you ever notice that Comic strips fall far behind every other medium out there when it comes to any representation of queer people? Sure, the political cartoons seem to realise we exist, but the joke-a-days and soaps printed in mainstream papers do everything to can to pretend like there are no queer people.

Which is why I started Qomics for Queers over at Q-Bomb, where I read between the lines, reinterpret artwork, and completely make junk up to get some representation.


Here's this Friday's Apartment 3-G:


For those of you who don't follow the travails of Tommie Thomson, LuAnn Powers, and Margo Magee at Apartment 3-G, then you've missed most of the Friday that Never Ends. LuAnn and Margo are both away from the apartment that evening working, and Tommie is left to her own devices. Of course, without the women she lives with, her life is meaningless until her neighbor Gina whisks her away to her play and the ensuing cast party. At that party, Tommie makes out with the director, only to be pawned of on our friend Gary, seen above.

Now you're all caught up on the greatest telenovela to ever grace the funny pages!

While people have been following the closeted lesbianism of Tommie Thomson for years, I don't think we've ever seen her definitively express herself one way or the other. Sure she's kissed a few men drunk, made a few sly looks at women, and generally tried to be the non-sexual one of the bunch.

Now, dressed as a character from a Lynne Cheney novel, Tommie is face-to-face with a man who's hitting on her, who by all accounts is sweet, but something's missing, a spark, a certain je ne sais vagina. When this party is all said and done (maybe four weeks from now?), Tommie's going to be thinking about why she subconsciously thwarts chances at heterosexual love every time they come her way. And then, and only then, can we celebrate Tommie and Gina's new romance.


This Wednesday's Hagar the Horrible:


Not particularly gay, except that have you noticed that most of the Hagar-at-the-restaurant-making-fun-of-food-and/or-pop-culture strips involve Lucky Eddie instead of Helga? One can only wonder why Lucky Eddie prefers to dine with his boss instead of his family or friends or why Hagar doesn't go out with Helga.

I know, I know, he travels a lot for work, but I don't think that in between raiding the English and pillaging the French that he would have time to stop at a restaurant without anyone else from his army. Nor would a blood-thirsty viking be welcome in those just pillaged countries' restaurants. No, this has to be near home. And that's the same waiter who serves Helga and him.

I can only imagine what life would be like as a closeted viking, constantly escaping home life as resentment towards heteronormativity builds, all the while finding my only relief in a member of my own army. Of course, in my imagination, we wouldn't sit around at restaurants and make jokes that fit easily into a two panel setup, one panel punchline format.

Alas, I'm not a student of viking history.


Here's this Tuesday's Family Circus:


Jeffy doesn't stop! He continues to attempt to defend himself from castration! Good work, Mom, because you know that snowball is destined for the back of your head.

Qomics for Queers

Every week, like a good little gay boy, I turn my expectations of fair representation in the comics into innuendo for the weekly feature Qomics for Queers. I'll do my best to read between the lines, reinterpret artwork, and completely make shit up about the past week's comics.

We start the week with the Family Circus, h/t to the Comics Curmudgeon, because I don't usually read the Family Circus. These are from Sunday and Monday:

Well, well, well, Jeffy. I don't know many 4-year-old straight boys who want to hurt their mothers as much as Jeffy apparently does. That's probably because they're sexually attracted to them and act out against their fathers out of fear of castration in retaliation. Of course, Freud thought that all people were constitutionally bisexual and that resolution of the Oedipal conflict led to heterosexual sexual expression; a failure to properly resolve the oedipal complex because of a distant father or an overbearing mother inhibits a boy from identifying with his father and makes him identify with his mother as a role model, making him express homosexuality.

Uhhhh, yeah, advanced for the 1800's, I guess. Dr. Richard Isay returns to the psychoanalytic subject of male homosexuality in the mid-90's in Becoming Gay, starting from the idea that some men are constitutionally homosexual. He says:

I had found that, like the population of heterosexual men who recalled opposite-sex attraction from an early age, many homosexual men could remember experiencing same-sex attraction when they were as young as four, five, or six years. For gay men, this earliest attraction is to the father or father surrogate.

Isay goes on to say that the boy's non-traditionally-masculine behavior causes rejection from the father and for the gay boy to seek protection from his mother.

But what if a father were totally OK with a non-masc boy? (I think that, since the Family Circus is all things wholesome, Jeffy's father is probably unconditionally loving.) It would follow that the boy would expect his mother to retaliate against him through castration, so he would act out against her. In Jeffy's case, he's using snowballs to protect his own balls. (Yuk yuk yuk)

This Wednesday's Beetle Bailey:

The incredible gayness of Beetle and Sarge continues. Beetle is all too willing to get his beard hitched because he knows that this farce cannot continue forever. Dumping a woman who is totally out of his league isn't an option for him, but he's right there ready to pass her on to the next guy who shows any interest in her at all. All I can say is that Beetle should either come out or give up on sexuality altogether, because acting as Miss Buxley's boyfriend/pimp is not becoming.

Here are my improvements to this Wednesday's Archie: