Beetle Bailey

No, Killer, "knock off" is a new euphemism for masturbation.

11/9 comics

One of the main reasons excuses for not posting for a couple of weeks has been that I can't think of a good snark for this comic. (I know, lame excuse, isn't it?) I mean, there's obviously a queer subtext here, and it's BB, but I'm thinking I'm just out of jokes about BB. Beetle and Sarge are in a closeted relationship. It's not really that much fun to point it out anymore because it's just so obvious to anyone who reads it.

Maybe there's an anal sex joke here, something about Beetle needing a "time out" and the reason he's running away in panel two....


Haha, Archie's creators don't have any idea how hybrid cars work.

That's the joke, right?


Mary's look askance in panel three says it all: Er, yeah, all creature are deserving of compassion. What sort of hippie world is this doctor living in that would deny me my right to run over whatever's in my way?

Is Mary at all worried that this dog is probably someone else's? Wait, don't tell me, since you all are way ahead in Mary Worth reading - the real owner wants his or her dog back, and Mary's not willing to part.

Thursday's comics

MEANWHILE, UP AHEAD... there's a dog! What will Mary do? Horror of horrors!

Of course, the dog's probably rabid and Mary has to have someone kill it. Or sick and Mary has to have someone kill it. Or dead and Mary has to have someone kill it again.



A lesser man would make a joke about Beetle in afterglow savoring a moment. He would also point out Beetle's big ol' smile, the absence of Sarge, and the fact that the lower half of Beetle's body is hidden in the middle two panels in support of some kind of sex joke. And this less mature man would point out that Beetle's front is against the side of the hole with room behind him empty to narrow down what was going on to one specific sex act.

But I'm above all that.

Monday's comics

New Country Rd.! That's my favorite road, you know, in the country. That's a pretty conveniently uncreative name.

Well, we've seen the Vera/Von drama resolved. And her relationship to the Doctor Corey is over. As the plot's noisy gears shift to a new storyline, are we going to see the end of Vera here? Is her power walk going to remind her of the days that she power walked the Tuscan countryside, sending her back to rich girl land? Or will she go somewhere to think and think about the fact that she's living Charterstone with a big wad of cash and move away? Or will she just get hit by a bus? OMG, that's Toby, not Vera. They all look the same to me. I was going to make a joke about how that's a particularly ugly angle on Vera, but I'm glad I didn't now. That would have been, y'know, embarrassing.




Rose is Rose is one of the comics that I used to read when I was really young, stopped when my paper dropped it, and then started up again just now as I had to reset my personalized comics page over at Chron.com. It's gotten a lot sweeter than it used to be, what with everyone smiling hugely in every drawing now. I mean, it's like Hehehe, I'm so happy! That cat wanted to tear out my innards and leave me on the doorstep for the humans to find, but I was able to hide inside this pumpkin instead! I hope I'll live through tomorrow, tehehe!



Oh, Bitsy, the internets' best purveyor of anti-miscegenation propaganda. As a fellow blogger, or Bitsy's target audience, he needs a few animated waving American flags in GIF format, a flow-chart of how the Bulldles plan on destroying American culture by displacing purebreeds, and a whole bunch more WORDS WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS.

But I'm not just offended by this comic as a blogger, I'm also offended as a Saint Bernard/beagle mix owner. And he's way cute!



I'm sure Beetle's already used to this very bizarre malady from Sarge. "Dude, I said watch the teeth. Ow! OK, you know, just stop. just stop, Sarge."

Some things stayed the same...

In my two months of absence, I missed a lot of comics, but I just read them and I'm finding that the French expression, plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose, is actually really, really true.

Check out today's TDIET:

They're still sticking with the "deranged and whiney people complaining about problems that no one really has" take.

Slylock Fox is still digging the you-have-to-stare-at-them- for-half-an-hour-and-have-a-newspaper-with-amazing-resolution- and-color-quality mysteries. (And Farmer Hog even asked Shady Shrew to watch his road-side stand! As if there was nothing to clue him off to the possibility that Shady would steal from him, besides the dude's name. Seriously, if I were the pig, I'd be a whole lot more worried that Shady, y'know, stole the money in the register instead of a few apples.)

Gil Thorp is still a bunch of boxy lookin' kids whose names I'll never remember sitting around gaping abysses getting excited over not really but kinda sports-related themes. (I'm thinking that Cully Vale is new. Am I right? And what happened with all that Gale Martin drama? Was it the bassist?)

Whoever writes DtM still thinks, "Decade-old pop culture reference plus reference to Dennis equals nap time!" (Can't you just unbutton one button, Henry, to show that you're relaxing? I mean, I know that it's supposed to be a Rockwell inspired comic, but I think that late at night, after the kid goes to bed, you're cuddling with your wife on the couch, you'd probably want to unbutton at least one button.)

And Beetle's still stuck in his abusive relationship with Sarge.

Last Last Saturday's Beetle Bailey

Interesting that one caddy is bending over the desk, and looking at the other boy caddy, and saying that another man is going to come "play" later. By "interesting" I mean "disturbing".

Or not. The fact that the animals are running away might mean several things, but all of them lead back to them knowing what the General's going to be doing with the caddies.

Last last Friday's Beetle Bailey

It's funny, cuz, like, General Halftrack is a perv who uses his position of power to sexually harass one of his workers, and he's, like, totally excited about doing it everyday, but then he finds out that he can't and that he'll have to recognize that a non-traditionally beautiful woman exists, but, you know, she's still a woman and isn't really an equal human being but she's also not a sex object so it's like he's actually going to have to work with someone he doesn't like, so he's disappointed, and he shows that disappointment by lowering his voice and the woman he's insulting notices, and, y'know, that's funny because it's like she can't be taken seriously as a worker at all and she fails in the only demeaning standard by which she's being judged, and....

Ha ha.

Wednesday's Beetle Bailey

I don't think there's really a doubt in anyone's mind (if there is, please speak in the comments, I'd love to hear about it) that BB is the most sexist comic in the funny pages. There's really no competing with this. I was going to make a comment about how the second panel in isolation is pretty insane, but then I realized that the first panel isn't really doing anything to diminish that. I then further realized that I have become so numb to this insanity that a guy could literally be telling women in the workplace to call him a "Hunk! Woo! Woo!" with "more spirit" while another woman with an angry facial expression (because women who don't like to be harassed are just angry) could stick out her ass at the first woman in a yawning void and the whole absurdity of the situation would barely register.

I, obviously, read too much BB. Then again, there wouldn't be a Qomics for Queers website without it.

Monday's comics

Well drawn crotches. Always lots of well drawn crotches in Archie.



Sarge is compensating for his small penis, and the chaplain wants in on the Beetle and Sarge action.

Beetle Bailey Inferno!

OK, and I'll catch up on BB. I mean, this comic is my bread and butter on this site.


7/18:

The expression on Ms. Blips's face in panel two just makes this whole comic for me. It's like the two are walking along, total lipstick/butch couple, and they want to play football, of course, but Miss Buxley doesn't want anyone copping a feel (that isn't evidence of her being a lesbian, just evidence of her being familiar with Camp Swampy), and Ms. Blips is just thinking Yeah, eat it, boys! But we'll be playing touch football later tonight, where she's the coach, and I'm the rookie who's out of line....

Killer, though, is completely shocked. What? Women weren't just created for consumption by men? Am I in the right comic?


7/19:

Is it just me, or do Beetle and Sarge seem like a total pair of dads here? Too cute!!!


7/25:

OK, I have no idea why Miss Buxley is at home almost naked when she calls the General instead of in G-rated-safe-for-the-children pajamas here. Unless she's lying about the repairman and she's just getting back to bed with a certain fellow secretary....


8/3:

Moral of the story: Don't withhold sex from your Commanding Officer.

Saturday's Beetle Bailey

Eyes are up here, Beetle.

Monday's Beetle Bailey

When moving one's wrist counts as "working", you have to imagine what sort of "job" Beetle is supposed to be doing.

Beetle Bailey

Funny story: Once I went out with this guy and we went to a restaurant and he ordered some shrimp and we were sharing them (this is before I was vegetarian). He asked me if he could double dip one in the cocktail sauce, and I said, "Well, I've already eaten you out."

So, getting to the point here, it seems that Beetle's a little unnecessarily squeamish here. Although the awkwardness of Sarge's statement in panel three shows that he's a little put off by Beetle's response to his question (unless we've got a little bad writing going on here), like he would share my sentiment from the story above.

Friday's Beetle Bailey

Well, Sarge just seems completely impervious to that nurse's feminine wiles. Like they don't affect him at all. Nope, not one bit.

And of course, she can't just stand like a professional and do her job, she has to pose in front of Sarge and Killer. I bet this comic is drawn by a straight man.

Thursday's Beetle Bailey

There have been a few commenters who have been saying that they think that the writers of Beetle Bailey are doing this whole love story between Beetle and Sarge on purpose, and I'm going to say that the panel two comment is them winking to all of us in the know. "Read a little into it"? I don't really do much else here.

Sunday's Beetle Bailey

Here's this past Sunday's BB:

And here's the final panel taken in isolation:

I think I like that last one in isolation better. Since, you know, Beetle's falling down with his legs spread wide open and it seems like Sarge is thanking a higher power for being told Beetle's "all his".

Last Wednesday's Beetle Bailey

General Halftrack's only other shirt is a Hawaiian shirt? You know what Homer Simpson says about those, that only two types of men wear them: gays and big, fat party animals. And he doesn't look like a big, fat party animal.

Gosh, my last ex-boyfriend really liked sportin' the Hawaiian shirt. It was like all he'd wear, and he had like 8 different ones. I've never actually met any other gay man who wears Hawaiian shirts except for that guy... WEIRD!

Last Tuesday's Beetle Bailey

"Is this deep enough, Sarge?" I'm sure that's not the first time Beetle's said that!

What's interesting about this drawing is that Beetle's legs must be really long. Because it just seems a little insane if they aren't.

Friday's Beetle Bailey

Wow. Beetle sure seems to know a lot about Sarge's ability to swallow liquid. Him being able to open his mouth that wide must come in handy a lot.

Beetle and Killer seem to be able to turn their necks around like owls. That probably doesn't come in handy.

Beetle Bailey

Is Killer really surprised? I mean, we're talking about the biggest mo on the funny pages, so we don't even need to read the answer to his question to know if they hired a female stripper.

It's good that Sarge came up with that creative excuse, though, because anyone who doesn't view women as property to be consumed isn't allowed in Camp Swampy.