Tuesday, May 22, 2007

9 Chickweed Lane

Near where I live there's a bar called "The Unicorn". Funny story about that - one of my friends in high school, who was kind of annoying, was a year ahead of me and became a prostitute in college. "Dane" came home during the summers to dance and walk around nearly naked at The Unicorn (this isn't Canada where you can actually be naked at a bar) and he'd always brag about how he was a prostitute and a stripper and it just made me even more annoyed with him. So jump ahead a year, I was at a gay cafe with another friend of mine from high school, let's call him "Joey", who was also annoyed by Dane's snooty prostitutery, and when we saw Dane we tried to avoid him. Of course, one thing about snobs is that once they've targeted you, you're done for.

He waved at us, and we went over there, and he was telling us about how he was working at The Unicorn, and Joey had no idea that it was a skin bar, and we all had to keep leaning in to speak to Dane because he said he was hard of hearing in his left ear (honestly I thought he was making that up so that everyone had to lean in to talk to him). So yadda, yadda, yadda, Joey was being polite and was like "Maybe I'll run into where you work this summer", and Dane said, "Oh, they don't let you in if you're under 21." Joey was like, "Well, you're 20, so how do you get in there?" And Dane said, "I wear a G-string."

Wait, that'll have to be the punchline to this story, because it gets really mean after that. Long and short of it, when I get my own sitcom, there is totally going to be a snobby Midwestern prostitute character that everyone will try to avoid because he's such a snob but they won't be able to politely.

But back to 9CL, this isn't making any sense at all. Why can't the unicorn just walk around Edda if it's in such a hurry? It's an effing unicorn, shouldn't it have the power to walk around someone?

1 comment:

srah said...

I hate 9 Chickweed Lane so much. I'm glad someone's finally snarking it, because it has gone INSANE. With UNICORNS.