Qomics for Queers

Let's call it what it is...

2008-03-31T23:02:00.003-05:00

I just can't keep up with this site.

At this point, the only people who'll see this email are those who subscribed. Thanks, actually, that means a lot to me.

So I owe to you to finally concede to myself that this thing isn't going to work out. I just don't have the time to work on this and provide the content needed, nor do I have enough desire. Usually I read the comics right before bed, and I'm just done. Trying to find things to be funny about every day, especially when there's nothing queer, then doing all the bloggy behind-the-scenes stuff, it's just too much.

But I started another project to put together several of the blogs that I was working on, to make it easier to do them. I still read the comics, and I still want to post on them sometimes, so I moved that over to Rise Above on WordPress. I'm also doing some of the serious political stuff there that I was doing at another site, as well as some other fun stuff that doesn't work on either of these two sites or Bilerico, which I'm still editing.

I already posted about today's gay FBOFW, and I just checked out Josh's site and see that his wife was thinking along the same lines I was.

Thanks again for all this time!

Rose is Rose

2008-02-25T19:25:00.003-05:00

I never thought I'd see a Rose is Rose about erections, but here it is.

It's interesting to see an erection symbolized with hearts. Does that subvert the construct of the phallus or simply mask its violence? You decide!

Fred Basset

2008-02-25T19:17:00.002-05:00

This is why I love Fred Basset: well-drawn plaid and unabashedly gay dogs.

The Family Circus

2008-02-24T21:16:00.001-05:00

Awwww! Dolly's teaching TFC's future writer the tricks of bad writing. How meta!

Gasoline Alley

2008-02-24T21:09:00.004-05:00

I've barely been able to follow the so-so-tired character comedy self-congratulatory joy-gasm this past week on Gasoline Alley. It's just too much. Yes, that glasses postal worker's boss is too focused on work to express that the GPW is getting his job back in a traditional fashion, but GPW is happy nonetheless. We get it. Let's move on.

But what is interesting is the way plaid got drawn on GPW. It's the same way plaid often gets drawn in the comics (see Dennis the Menace), with the lines flowing from the front to the sleeve as if all the plaid were lining up, which it never does. I know it's the easy way to draw plaid, but does it bother anyone else?

Marmaduke

2008-02-24T21:03:00.003-05:00

God, Marmaduke, not every poodle is female. Half them are male. Just because some people give them haircuts doesn't make them all female. If all poodles were female, then there wouldn't be any more poodles.

And don't look at us like that, Marmaduke. It's creepy. I don't want to think about what you're planning to do to that poodle.

Blondie

2008-02-22T21:21:00.002-05:00

Ha! It's funny because the Bumsteads don't own any knives or scissors or screw-drivers or any sharp objects.

Beetle Bailey

2008-02-22T21:19:00.000-05:00

No, Killer, "knock off" is a new euphemism for masturbation.

Alex states the obvious about Thursday's comics

2008-02-22T20:29:00.010-05:00

Because the noise that vacuum cleaners make isn't entertaining!

Washing, vacuuming, and shampooing things makes them cleaner!

Being annoying and saying "bump beds" repeatedly instead of "bunk beds" doesn't make you any less annoying!

The art in Gil Thorp isn't as painful to look at anymore, but I still can't tell who anyone is!

But nobody laughs at Hi and Lois!

Those two should kill Mark Trail!

You also know you're pregnant when you're (hetero)sexually active, your period stops, and your pregnancy test is positive!

Archie

2008-02-20T20:17:00.003-05:00

OMG the horror!

Let's ignore the premise of this strip for now, that Jughead is a mindless drone who'll follow the stench of cooked flesh blindly and that women's bodies are the consumptive equivalent of meat (where have we seen that one before?) and just look at panel two.

Archie, so shocked by the fact that his friend has any heterosexual urges at all, has actually turned the entire world dark around him. It's like Japanese anime, I suppose. Not only that, he's turned his face into something completely horrific, what with the thick and short eyebrows, the Alvin, Simon, Theodoresque teeth, and waffle mark where his hair should be.

How did that happen, indeed, Archie.

In panel three, we find out that Ethel has a deformed leg that fortunately she can still walk on and, while she made a move to attract Jughead that few women would ever make, is completely oblivious to the fact that he's following her.

Maybe she just likes prime rib perfume for the sake of prime rib perfume. Did I ever think of that? Did I?

The Family Circus

2008-02-20T20:12:00.002-05:00

Awwww! Billy's learning how to be a conservative Christian! Explain away all your personal short-comings with bizarre interpretations of God and everyone else's by saying that their short-comings are a falling from God!

If only he knew that it was man's hands, acting in sin, that created the refrigerator light.

For Better or for Worse

2008-02-20T20:09:00.001-05:00

Thank you, Lynn Johnston, for convincing me never to have children.

Curtis

2008-02-19T17:23:00.000-05:00

They have! It's called Wellbutrin.

Judge Parker

2008-02-19T17:15:00.004-05:00

Who'd want to hurt me? Well, that's a good question. I'm thinking about this rough trick I picked up at a rest stop a decade ago - his name was Joe, I think, but I had to call him "sir." He opened up my mind, Mom, he opened up my mind.

I don't think you could say that he really wanted to hurt me, but there was an awful lot of pain involved. He left me after a few weeks when he said that I was all used up, he left me a confused and sad boy who had grown up a lot. He said that if he ever wanted to use me again, he'd send me the used jock strap he used for a gag and I'd have to wear it back to that same rest stop to meet him again.

I asked you to step into the living room so that I'd be spared from telling you that very story, but now look what I've done. So I guess we should open this thing up and see if there's a jock strap inside!

Shoe and Hi and Lois

2008-02-18T19:54:00.004-05:00

Aw, yeah! Two federal deficit jokes in the same day! The comics sure know how to reach out to today's youth!

It's interesting that they're both talking about the federal deficit, and yet no one else really is. I mean not in those terms. People are talking about the value of the dollar going down, the housing market collapsing, sluggish job growth, decreases in real wages, the increasing income gap, etc., but not really the federal deficit.

I'm beginning to think that "the federal deficit" is non-political political joke fodder in much the same way that "those politicians!" or "taxes are bad!" are. Either that, or these cartoonists need to pick up a paper.

I don't know what to think about the Shoe kid's test. There aren't any man (or woman!) made objects on Earth that can be seen from the moon. More inexplicable than that, the kid didn't just write "A big butt."

I worry about the youth of today, I truly do.

Mary Worth

2008-02-18T19:48:00.003-05:00

Yes, what about some sort of medical charity trip? Oh, this sounds like a great idea.

Jeff, do you know anything about this? Is there somewhere in the world he can go to put his medical talents to work for others in a way that's rewarding to him personally but that the women in his life might not understand? Something that's more fulfilling than sitting around an apartment nattering away about neighbors and Charterstone bylaws ever could be? Something that won't make him feel like he's whiling away his time sexlessly until his cold, lonely death? Jeff?

Marvin

2008-02-18T19:46:00.001-05:00

Well, she is a character on Marvin, so she "knows" bad writing. You'd think she could crank out a romance novel or two just with that.

Judge Parker

2008-02-18T19:43:00.001-05:00

Steve's dildos finally arrived!

To bonk or to bonng

2008-02-16T15:50:00.010-05:00

Crock and Archie:

I like that the idea that a million people would tune in to watch Archie get bonked in the head with a basketball made an appearance in this Archie, showing that the writer either:

assumes his/her loyal audience is a lot bigger than it actually is,
has heard that stupid things are popular on YouTube, but hasn't ever visited the site to see that these sorts of stupid things get far fewer than a million hits, or
forgot to give any number of background details that would support that number, like that Oprah was the person throwing the basketball or that the Dilton's already built up viewers at a channel devoted just to basketball-head-bonking.

Whatever the case, Dilton's shown amazing cunning in trying to drive Archie crazy... for no reason other than to toy with Archie's brain the way a cat toys with a mouse before destroying it.

Grossie, on the other hand, can't be shaken. I'd love hair spray too if it let me take a cannonball to the head.

Snuffy Smith:

Ha! It's funny because Snuffy's gone color-blind and doesn't know it yet. Next week, we'll see Dagwood Bumstead lose a leg and then tell us about how he's going skiing!

Marmaduke:

"Now let's get a shovel and fill in that hole, and we'll never have to suffer at the hands of that demon-dog again."

11/14 comics

2007-11-25T22:57:00.000-05:00

Far be it for me to proofread a comic (then again, I'm already queering them, translating them, and teaching them how to canoe), but as someone who's dabbled in the freelance copy editing in the past and who edits all sorts of writing for cool gay blog, I just can't over look that your/you're mistake in panel one. You'd be surprised what intelligent and creative writers make that mistake.

Of course, United Features Media should have someone on top of that. I'm guessing that Rose is Rose is so diabeticly sweet that s/he can't even stand to read the text to find errors in several dozen words, and neither can the writer.

I'll ignore the big ol' period after "find" as just an unfortunate blotch on the paper (post-Photoshop there's really no excuse, but, *sigh*), and focus instead on the recipe... what exactly is this Plugger reading? Polenta, orzo, tahini, and jicama? That sounds less "coastal, librul, big-city, Kerry-votin', gay-marryin', war-protestin' froo-froo food" and more "things mixed together like condiments at a junior high school cafeteria and then people are dared to eat." Gross.

"He's taking all the line"? "Keep the pressure on"? "Rod tip up"? "He's huge"?

This is intentional at this point, right? Or did RMMD writer Woody Wilson has been spending too much time on the Nifty. (Link NSFW)

11/13 comics

2007-11-25T22:11:00.001-05:00

I remember when I first came out to myself, as the kids are calling it these days, way back when puberty hit. Growing up in exurban/small town Indiana, I really didn't know what to do with it. I had a vague idea that I would wait until college before anything really happened in terms of sexuality. That's what I thought in junior high, and high school changed things around a little....

But it seems that Jeffy is having similar thought,s albeit at a younger age. Hang in there, Jeffy! There'll be great boys, I mean, toys to play with in college!

This Pluggers answers one of the biggest questions that I have about the Plugger-verse: Can anyone just send in whatever yo mama joke they've heard or insult they've received and get published?

The answer is an unequivocal "yes".

11/12 comics

2007-11-25T20:47:00.000-05:00

Oh, don't lie, Jeffy! Just tell Mom what you'll be able to say one day, that the way to a boy's heart is through his ass.

Judging by the Breton flag in panel one, the kids aren't in America anymore, they're in western France.

I don't really know what this fact does to explain the comment in panel three, other than maybe it's the result of a bad translation. Well, it's either that or it's just another one of Funky's "Gee, high school students sure are dumb!" jokes. In which case, carry on, Funky, carry on.

Ziggy isn't using a search engine; he's listening to Salt n' Pepa's Very Necessary album!

11/10 comic quickies

2007-11-25T17:03:00.000-05:00

I like comics with morals. Like this one's - don't let old people use the internet.

Soon I'll be treated to a plot that centers around this old lady searching for cans to recycle to pay off her "the Amazon site" debt. And it'll be funny. Oh, it'll be funny.

What's interesting here, besides the sexy, sexy animals all looking right at you (if they weren't sexy, how would you know that they're all female?), is that cat. She's a pussy with one thing on her mind....

So this is what straight sex looks like? Good to know.

Another Sunday, another anti-sodomy sermon.

From the How It Is Dep't: Dr. McRealPerson spends his whole day away from the unwashed masses.... Can't be too clean, I always say...

But sometimes he has to interact with janitors in his building... Oh yeah-h-h-h-h! Hallo, Doc... How you are? Put it dere..

*Urge to repeal the estate tax

11/9 comics

2007-11-25T16:33:00.000-05:00

One of the main ~~reasons~~ excuses for not posting for a couple of weeks has been that I can't think of a good snark for this comic. (I know, lame excuse, isn't it?) I mean, there's obviously a queer subtext here, and it's BB, but I'm thinking I'm just out of jokes about BB. Beetle and Sarge are in a closeted relationship. It's not really that much fun to point it out anymore because it's just so obvious to anyone who reads it.

Maybe there's an anal sex joke here, something about Beetle needing a "time out" and the reason he's running away in panel two....

Haha, Archie's creators don't have any idea how hybrid cars work.

That's the joke, right?

Mary's look askance in panel three says it all: Er, yeah, all creature are deserving of compassion. What sort of hippie world is this doctor living in that would deny me my right to run over whatever's in my way?

Is Mary at all worried that this dog is probably someone else's? Wait, don't tell me, since you all are way ahead in Mary Worth reading - the real owner wants his or her dog back, and Mary's not willing to part.

Wednesday comics

2007-11-07T08:19:00.000-05:00

"The Amazon site"? That's another one of those phrases that no one in real life would ever say and yet somehow made it into the comics. Saying "amazon dot com" is what people actually say, the way the site is advertised, and the way people who use webpages for purchases actually refer to those webpages.

I'm going to venture a guess here and say that Amazon just didn't want any Crankshaft readers on their site. I'd say bad things about those people, but that demographic includes me.

Otherwise, Ruff, I'd have to kill you.

One day you'll learn, Jeffy, that pretty bois don't have to be smart.

Qomics for Everybody but Me Edition

2007-11-06T18:55:00.000-05:00

Even though there are occasionally actual queer references in the comics, I still feel like there's a comic for everyone out there in the world but me! Here are a few examples of all the cool groups of people for whom there are comics:

There are comics for anarchists:

Comics for people who haven't heard of primary elections:

Comics for the obsessive-compulsive:

Comics for people who find Peter Parker sexy:

Comics for 5-year-olds (haha, poop is funny!):

Comics for PETA propagandists:

Comics for demon-possessed dog owners:

Comics for people who have followed Blondie long enough to notice every detail of Dagwood's outfit:

Comics for people who enjoy road-head:

And, finally, comics for horrid human/beast mutants who were never meant to be:

***

OK, and I have two others. First, Rex Morgan, M.D.:

Yeah, why didn't he? I mean, she's a woman, answering the door and showing her face to who knows what men, and he's off thinking that his new bride is safe in the cabin. Doesn't she know her place?

But all this talk of newlyweds spending an entire week alone in a cabin has one thing on Niki's mind, as he looks right at it in panel three. Sit tight, there, Niki! Soon Rex'll get you to that cabin!

And BC:

OK, here we have a dating service with a woman behind a desk in its proper context: 20,000 years in the past. No, wait, I mean 5-6000! Sorry, BC, I forgot that the world is no more than 6000-years-old!

Monday's comics queer themselves!

2007-11-06T09:52:00.000-05:00

Ha ha! You tell 'em, Shoe! All the best men out there are gay! I haven't heard that one before!

Shoe'd be on the cutting edge of comedy if this comic were printed in, I don't know, 1980. But in 2007? Still with the gays are the perfect lovers for straight women? Sheesh. I think that when a joke's been a full episode of Seinfeld, was turned into an entire character on SNL, and was turned into a successful prime time show, it's time to stick a fork in it and call it done.

I do find it charming that dating services in the comics are always a woman at a desk, instead of a website, which would be a little more realistic. Even if it's explicitly a "computer dating service", there's still a woman to visit at a desk somewhere. I'm guessing that comics artists everywhere gave up at love fifteen years ago.

But I'll help out Shoe here with the queer culture. There isn't, nor has there ever been, to my knowledge, a gay male dating service that involved going and visiting someone at a desk. There are online dating services that have replaced the bar scene for a lot of people, but we just don't go to real-live dating services.

Unless "Gays-R-Us" is actually referring to a bathhouse. At least that'd explain the look of horror on Roz's face as she imagines the cabal of the wild anal sex happening just next door to her now, perhaps even on the same tree as her diner.

Call him a heel all you want, ladies, it looks like he just came back from bonin' Patroclus, and you're not going to bring him down from that high.

Saturday's soaps

2007-11-05T13:02:00.000-05:00

I know what that smirk on Sophie's face in panel two means: I'm gonna get trashed.

I went to college in a really wine-y area, the Walla Walla River valley in Washington state. I got to know a few of the wine folk, and I found out that all the bouquets and grapes and degrees in viticulture and history and culture was all an elaboration on a fundamental urge to get drunk. The fact that most of the JP action has occurred while imbibing in the alcohol is absolutely no surprise, and a pretty good way to stay culturally relevant on the creators' part.

What I don't get is how Sam's insanely sexy sexiness saved the day. Seriously, I don't think Rusty was that drunk.

Go Ms. Bowlcut/Mullet in panel three! She can defy gravity while cheering with her terrible hairstyle! Greatest Gil Thorp cheerleader ever!

It's like a dirty Zen Koan: What she a trick or a treat? Yes! Is your goodie bag empty or full? Yes!

A really, really dirty one. I can't believe this can be printed in papers. Is his "goodie bag" empty? Was Toni a trick?

Oh, my. Oh, my, indeed.

"Still alive! Even after I tried to strangle it with my right arm!"

Look at how that dog's trying to get away in panel two. "Put me down! I'm not dying, I was just sleeping! I don't want to wear a cravat!"

Friday's comics

2007-11-04T23:13:00.000-05:00

Daddy Keane's looking at us like, "Haha, isn't this kid just dumb?"

This comic's a lot funnier if you imagine Bil and Jeff Keane as a couple of kid haters using their forum to perpetuate stereotypes about kids' stupidity by making the Keane kids incredibly dumb. It becomes ironic that way, and I love irony.

But all edginess goes away when you realize that it's an election day joke on an odd year. Sure, some local governments have elections this year, but most states don't. Unless "early November" means election jokes in Keane-land, whether we like it or not.

I really want to know what happened between panels two and three. In panel two, the team just finds out about the vandalism. In panel three, they're being lectured not to vandalize by Coach Thorp. It's almost like a whole wacky story about how the team went off and spray painted penises all over their bus, only to be caught because they chose to do it in broad daylight, was cut out because those self-righteous censors at Tribune Media Services just didn't get how edgy the genius of GT writer Neal Rubin is.

*ahem*

More likely, Coach Thorp was passing through the locker room at the exact time that they were talking about getting even. Although "strike back" could just as well mean beat them in the next ballroom dancing competition, challenging them to a surf-off, or just going to fuck them up.

Or dehydrated. Since it's shrinking away right before your eyes, Mary.

This Moment in Misogyny was brought to you by PBS creator Stephan Pastis's girlfriend dumping him. We now return you to this week's storyline about lions not getting frozen zebras, already in progress.

Thursday's comics

2007-11-04T21:55:00.000-05:00

MEANWHILE, UP AHEAD... there's a dog! What will Mary do? Horror of horrors!

Of course, the dog's probably rabid and Mary has to have someone kill it. Or sick and Mary has to have someone kill it. Or dead and Mary has to have someone kill it again.

A lesser man would make a joke about Beetle ~~in afterglow~~ savoring a moment. He would also point out Beetle's big ol' smile, the absence of Sarge, and the fact that the lower half of Beetle's body is hidden in the middle two panels in support of some kind of sex joke. And this less mature man would point out that Beetle's front is against the side of the hole with room behind him empty to narrow down what was going on to one specific sex act.

But I'm above all that.

Scary qomics

2007-11-04T10:26:00.000-05:00

Hey, an actual queer reference from Halloween's Bizarro! And it's good!

It makes sense that there's a whole queer-related comic on the gayest holiday of the year.

Besides that, Wednesday's funny pages were filled with forced Halloween jokes. I'm just glad that Gasoline Alley called this out for what it is - a cheap ploy to stay relevant.

Either that or the writer just thought, I've been giving you angry white men buying asteroids on eBay and crazy people digging underground tunnels to buy alcohol all year. I'm not coming up with anything today, suckers!

To which Billy replies: "Bitch, I'm eatin' punkin pie!"

Yeah, I miss central Indiana a bit.

Monday's comics

2007-11-04T07:55:00.000-05:00

New Country Rd.! That's my favorite road, you know, in the country. That's a pretty conveniently uncreative name.

Well, we've seen the Vera/Von drama resolved. And her relationship to the Doctor Corey is over. As the plot's noisy gears shift to a new storyline, are we going to see the end of Vera here? Is her power walk going to remind her of the days that she power walked the Tuscan countryside, sending her back to rich girl land? Or will she go somewhere to think and think about the fact that she's living Charterstone with a big wad of cash and move away? Or will she just get hit by a bus? OMG, that's Toby, not Vera. They all look the same to me. I was going to make a joke about how that's a particularly ugly angle on Vera, but I'm glad I didn't now. That would have been, y'know, embarrassing.

Rose is Rose is one of the comics that I used to read when I was really young, stopped when my paper dropped it, and then started up again just now as I had to reset my personalized comics page over at Chron.com. It's gotten a lot sweeter than it used to be, what with everyone smiling hugely in every drawing now. I mean, it's like Hehehe, I'm so happy! That cat wanted to tear out my innards and leave me on the doorstep for the humans to find, but I was able to hide inside this pumpkin instead! I hope I'll live through tomorrow, tehehe!

Oh, Bitsy, the internets' best purveyor of anti-miscegenation propaganda. As a fellow blogger, or Bitsy's target audience, he needs a few animated waving American flags in GIF format, a flow-chart of how the Bulldles plan on destroying American culture by displacing purebreeds, and a whole bunch more WORDS WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS.

But I'm not just offended by this comic as a blogger, I'm also offended as a Saint Bernard/beagle mix owner. And he's way cute!

I'm sure Beetle's already used to this very bizarre malady from Sarge. "Dude, I said watch the teeth. Ow! OK, you know, just stop. just stop, Sarge."

Garfield and Weblog Awards

2007-11-02T22:33:00.000-05:00

I was just checking out the free French daily Metro in the train this week, and I noticed that they have only one comic in it. Guess which one it is?

That's right - they pick one comic, and it just happens to be the one that's so bad that I'll never insult it on this site. I mean, it's just too easy and would just come across as mean, I think, if I picked on the most hackneyed comic in the funny pages. At least Momma is edgy. At least Momma tries.

Roughly translated, Jon says in panel one, "It's in the refrigerator." In panel two, he says, "It ought to be ready in about two hours," and Garfield thought bubbles, "Two hours?!" The punchline is: "Do you know how long two hours is in the life of a cake?"

Ummmm, yeah.

Poor French people, only getting Garfield. I was kind of hoping to read Mary Worth in French. They'd love her over here.

In another meta thing, my other blog is a finalist in the 2007 Weblog Awards for best LGBT blog. I'm not above begging for votes over here :). Click here and vote for "The Bilerico Project". Bookmark that page and vote daily all this week! We've truly had an impressive year and have signed on some big-name contributors there, and this would, you know, really make me happy. Plus we're neck-and-neck right now against the biggest Gay Republican blog on the internet, and I won't lost to them!

And I'm thinking that if you've put up with all my delays in getting back into a regular groove here, then you love me enough to help me and the other Bilerico'ers win. :)

Last Thursday's comics

2007-11-02T21:47:00.000-05:00

I know that you're all about a week ahead of me in the comics, but I'm going to guess that Niki falls into the cold water, Rex jumps in and saves him, Rex comforts him through his Katrina flashback, Rex suggests they take off their clothes to avoid hypothermia and since he's a doctor....

So, question: who does it reflect more poorly on that my mind is going there when I read this RMMD, me or whoever writes it?

I have to admit, I found this Family Circus funny. Probably because I'm already used to the humor in Zippy the Pinhead, since this little circle has a whole lot of absurdism in it.

Jeffy here obviously knows what he's doing - he's going to menace his family with some drum banging whether they like it or not. He throws in a little diva comment just for some extra flair, like one would toss a pink feather boa over his shoulder, to let them know that he knows how ridiculous he's being. And he just doesn't care because he's going to bang on that drum. The real-life Keanes' now regular inattention to detail has been broken by that equally ridiculous-looking snare drum. That's twice the size of a Keane kid's head! That's huge!

The best part is the parents exchanging glances - they know that now they can bang away all they want in their room and little Jeffy won't hear - and showing just how mundane Jeffy's diva-ness has become and how incredibly apathetic they are to his desperate attempt to get attention.

Jeffy will make the best drag queen when he grows up!

Haw haw, Ziggy's going to die a poor old man who has to collect cans to get money for his medications or food, his forced choice. Oh, this Ziggy's a killer!

Last Wednesday's comics

2007-11-02T21:08:00.000-05:00

We're treated to a "Curtis at the Barbershop" sketch here, without the usual frills. There aren't any pictures of stars with thumbs over faces, no off-camera witty repartee with other barbers and customers and loiterers, no messing up Curtis's name, no lines from Curtis himself, and nothing that appears like a joke. All we have is a mini-rant (dude, Gunther, there wasn't much gossip about stars' religion back in the day because they were assumed Christians; that's why Jewish celebrities changed their names) in comic-form, colorful drawings to distract from the fact that this would be much more appropriate for someone's painstakingly written memoirs that got circular-filed at the local publisher.

Curtis vacant expression in panel four is almost exchanging glances with us, as if he agrees with the question: This is all we get?

Marmaduke is a gay atheist.

I know he's supposed to be a lovable curmudgeon, I know he's supposed to be mean, but... did he really just make a "You're too ugly to be raped" joke? Or am I not getting it? Because that seems a little too mean, even for the 'Shaft.

Did this already cause a comics blog-troversy and I just missed it?

Last Tuesday's comics

2007-11-02T20:18:00.001-05:00

Of course the Central coaches haven't noticed, they're at their team bowling tournament all huddled around the score monitor!

Isn't it funny how in a sports comic, artist Frank McLaughlin can't seem to draw people running? I was once, way back in the day, a member of my high school cross country team. They say that if you're that close to something, you can't really notice its nuances, so maybe all the other runners and I did look like we were about to fall flat on our faces as we were running. Maybe we ran leaning forward and defying gravity with the power of our speed, much like Thorp and Kaz are doing here.

Is it just me, or are there sometimes mountains drawn behind Milford as in panel two? Where is Milford anyway?

Ha ha, Trixie wants to be the next Britney Spears. Start learning to sing, girl, because talking to Sunbeam isn't going to make the audience clap.

And an actual queer reference? Why does it always seem to be that Get Fuzzy is the only comic willing to acknowledge the fact that we exist, even if it's a rather indirect reference that'll fly under the radar of anyone who doesn't want to get it?

But even though he's not gay, nor had he ever been gay, Larry Craig has been immortalized in Get Fuzzy. Way to go Senator!

But at least there was some sexy, sexy sex

2007-10-22T14:46:00.000-05:00

Oh, yes, sex is the meat and potatoes of the comics.

Niki and Rex are going on some ~~vaguely~~ ~~rather~~ very very very homoerotic camping trip. I'm here just in time for the action!

But I totally missed the young Dr. Cameron on Vera action in Mary Worth. Balls!

I don't know what happened, but, whatever it was, Vera looks pissed. As much as Mary wants to exercise her Powers of Meddling to keep the two together, it's looking like the sheer power of Vera gaze could stop Drew heart.

Unless that's all part of Mary master plan: get the young, unbalanced career woman in desperate need of love and stability hooked up with her boyfriend's son, a guy whom Mary knows is a *cough* *cough* slut *cough* *cough*, resulting in him dying and Mary having one less family member with whom to compete for the good doctor's time. Sinister, passive-aggressive, horrifyingly selfish, and murderous, so I'm thinking it fits Mary's MO.

Seriously, though, I haven't read this comic in two months, but I'm guessing Drew cheated on Vera with Horsey Girl. Am I correct?

The sexy, sexy, sexiness here I'm referring to isn't the Tommie shoulder in panel two (gawd, she's even boring when she's naked), nor is it Margo's bathrobe and ponytail look. Those would be enough on a normal day, but today....

Well, I misinterpreted Margo in panel three the first time I read it. Here in France, like much of Europe, the showers don't have heads that are fixed on the wall; rather, they're hanging on a hook and have a hose that you have to hold in one hand and spray on yourself. So when Margo says "Aim lower", I'm thinking she's referring to something quite different....

I like my explanation better, because there's no real point in telling Tommie Thompson to look dowdy. I mean, it's like telling a fish to swim....

But I still learned some things...

2007-10-22T14:23:00.000-05:00

But I did learn a few things upon returning to the comics. Like in this Rose is Rose:

I learned: Jimbo married his mother's thin identical twin! Ahhhhh!!!

But they're still smiling while saying everything. Kinda disturbing, now that I've been away from it for a while.

Oh, and Jimbo seems to have quite a well-built ass for a cartoon character. Just sayin'.

I learned: Shabbily-dressed French women in berets wander around Ruthie's neighborhood.

But Ruthie's still punny.

I learned: Lois joined a lesbian separatist reading group.

Some things stayed the same...

2007-10-22T13:44:00.000-05:00

In my two months of absence, I missed a lot of comics, but I just read them and I'm finding that the French expression, plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose, is actually really, really true.

Check out today's TDIET:

They're still sticking with the "deranged and whiney people complaining about problems that no one really has" take.

Slylock Fox is still digging the you-have-to-stare-at-them- for-half-an-hour-and-have-a-newspaper-with-amazing-resolution- and-color-quality mysteries. (And Farmer Hog even asked Shady Shrew to watch his road-side stand! As if there was nothing to clue him off to the possibility that Shady would steal from him, besides the dude's name. Seriously, if I were the pig, I'd be a whole lot more worried that Shady, y'know, stole the money in the register instead of a few apples.)

Gil Thorp is still a bunch of boxy lookin' kids whose names I'll never remember sitting around gaping abysses getting excited over not really but kinda sports-related themes. (I'm thinking that Cully Vale is new. Am I right? And what happened with all that Gale Martin drama? Was it the bassist?)

Whoever writes DtM still thinks, "Decade-old pop culture reference plus reference to Dennis equals nap time!" (Can't you just unbutton one button, Henry, to show that you're relaxing? I mean, I know that it's supposed to be a Rockwell inspired comic, but I think that late at night, after the kid goes to bed, you're cuddling with your wife on the couch, you'd probably want to unbutton at least one button.)

And Beetle's still stuck in his abusive relationship with Sarge.

Back

2007-10-22T13:31:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'm back. I'm all moved in at my new apartment in St. Etienne, France, and I'll be getting my own DSL connection any day now when the Frenchies feel like turning it on. Right now I'm stealing wireless from a neighbor. (I don't know which one, but what if she reads this site? Oh, my, thanks for contributing to QfQ!)

But I did miss out on a whole lot of comic-age, but I have no plans on catching up. I'm just going to have to put up with being lost for a little while.

Back in mid-October

2007-09-17T21:14:00.000-05:00

And maybe some sporadic posting in between. I'm applying for post-graduate work for next year (2008), working on Bilerico, and getting ready to move half-way across the world right now. I've been meaning to post everyday, and just haven't gotten to it. Things will have cooled down by then, and by mid-October I should have this site back up and running. See y'all then!

Last last Saturday's Gil Thorp

2007-08-29T23:58:00.000-05:00

"Now, if I could only decipher these symbols.... Oh, wait, I have to know how to read?"

I like Asst. Coach Kaz's attempt at sleuthing in panel 2. Did they teach him charm like that at ~~temp bodyguard/private eye~~ assistant coach school?

Last last Saturday's 9 Chickweed Lane

2007-08-29T23:48:00.000-05:00

Kneeling comes naturally for a priest. Mm-hmm. Doesn't Mark Jordan estimate that 2/3 of priests have G-cards? Well, then. I'm going to say that this is more likely than not a blow job joke.

Last last Saturday's Funky Winkerbean

2007-08-29T23:46:00.000-05:00

Ba-zing! Funky Winkerbean still knows how to crack a good joke.

Last Last Saturday's Beetle Bailey

2007-08-29T23:45:00.000-05:00

Interesting that one caddy is bending over the desk, and looking at the other boy caddy, and saying that another man is going to come "play" later. By "interesting" I mean "disturbing".

Or not. The fact that the animals are running away might mean several things, but all of them lead back to them knowing what the General's going to be doing with the caddies.

Last last Friday's Beetle Bailey

2007-08-29T23:30:00.000-05:00

It's funny, cuz, like, General Halftrack is a perv who uses his position of power to sexually harass one of his workers, and he's, like, totally excited about doing it everyday, but then he finds out that he can't and that he'll have to recognize that a non-traditionally beautiful woman exists, but, you know, she's still a woman and isn't really an equal human being but she's also not a sex object so it's like he's actually going to have to work with someone he doesn't like, so he's disappointed, and he shows that disappointment by lowering his voice and the woman he's insulting notices, and, y'know, that's funny because it's like she can't be taken seriously as a worker at all and she fails in the only demeaning standard by which she's being judged, and....

Ha ha.

Last last Friday's Hi and Lois

2007-08-29T23:15:00.000-05:00

That's what I'd say! Oh!

But seriously, why are Chip and his dopey friend doing just sitting around "talking about girls"? Sure, Chip has the guitar in his hands, from which he has removed the strings and two of the tuning devices, but his dopey friend is just smiling at him in panel one, all like get rid of your brother so we can get back to business. Then Ditto responds, and you've gotta wonder if the dopey friend turns so quickly and is so surprise that he's thinking, maybe, just maybe, Ditto's down for a three-way.

Holy Hannah that guitar's crudely drawn.

Last last Friday's Mary Worth

2007-08-29T21:46:00.000-05:00

"Enough talking about your life, Vera. I want to hear about meeeeeeee."

This has to be one of the most drab restaurants ever. Hmmmm.... What color should our menus be? Gray! I want photographs of flowers to brighten the place up - I know, we'll make them black-and-white! Now if only there were some way to paint the walls my two favorite colors, beige and gray, at the same time. Hmmmm....

Thursday's Apartment 3-G

2007-08-22T23:45:00.000-05:00

Look, Eric, I know that you've probably read the stories and seen pornos and everything, but let me level with you, one mutual JO enthusiast to another: "Maybe we can help each other" is not the way real people go about starting a mutual JO session. That's just in the movies. In real life, it involves more alcohol.

Eric and Alan are looking particularly identical in panel one. It's like, Is that me over there? No, I remember dying my hair blond last week, so it can't be me. Unless it's grown back.... Noooooo, that can't be me!

Thursday's Gil Thorp

2007-08-22T23:38:00.000-05:00

HA HA! Assistant Coach Kaz just got told! And he knew he deserved it! I knew I was going to enjoy the rough-looking bassist.

I like the idea that this "stalker" is printing those notes instead of hand-writing them, just as this person left them around instead of mailing them. It just shows that whatever this person wants, it involves complete anonymity. Sex, maybe? Yuk, yuk.

Now here's a thought for Assistant Coach Kaz: since everyone has a laptop, why not find the person who has a printer, since, you know, you need one of those to print things and they're not quite as common on the road as a laptop is. Or if there's a group one, he can stake it out.

Yes, I think I'd enjoy that very much, Assistant Coach Kaz staking out a printer.

Thursday's Ziggy

2007-08-22T23:25:00.000-05:00

I really like the idea of a "computer dating service" that you have to go to in person to use. I also like the idea that this computer dating service would just be a woman at a desk, without any other chairs or furniture, like the customer service desk at a grocery store. But the part that I like the most about this is the implication that there's some unknown quality to Ziggy that just screams "Compatible with felons".

Thursday's Hi and Lois

2007-08-22T21:49:00.000-05:00

I had two siblings growing up, so I can kind of relate to this. We'd usually fight over portions and my mom would try to make everything as even as possible. What doesn't ring true to me is the expression on Lois's face, after she she meticulously weighed each bowl of popcorn, showing that she's going to have to go back to the kitchen to pick out each kernel, and she was really hoping to avoid doing so. But if it's required to please her two little masters, then she'll do it. My mom would have just slapped me upside the head and told me to go make my own popcorn.

Wednesday's Mark Trail

2007-08-22T18:02:00.000-05:00

Ooooohhhh, that's some dog-on-Mark action going on there in panel three. Andy's well-trained to know that Mark needs it bad when he gets home. I'm guessing that in the non-existent panel four Andy gets slapped away and told, "Now now, Andy!"

Or not. What's really scary, besides the possible bestiality, is ~~Chucky~~ Rusty in panel two. It's like he's about to throw an ax at Mark and then eat his brain.

Wednesday's They'll Do It Every Time

2007-08-22T17:57:00.000-05:00

You know how sometimes people don't like a present they get, but they're polite anyway? What weirdos, thinking about other people's feelings and shit. I'd have told Elpie and Ferdie just what I thought... and probably ended up like Ziggy.

Wednesday's Ziggy

2007-08-22T17:54:00.000-05:00

Haha! Ziggy has no friends and being put on hold is the closest thing he gets to human interaction! What a lame-o!

Oh, wait, that's actually just depressing.

Tuesday's Spiderman

2007-08-15T21:11:00.000-05:00

Ha ha! The burro falling down the canyon had nothing to do with the plot, and now we're back to our storyline about the Shocker! There's no narrative control here! Welcome to our madhouse! Ha ha!

Peter seems pretty interested in getting the TV on and MJ quiet. It's almost like this trip, which was supposed to be a non-stop sex-a-thon to make up for her very demanding career and his time-consuming heroing, is going to be ruined by Peter's latent homosexuality. MJ responds accordingly, with basically saying, "What if you see that LA is going to be bombed and millions of people will die or something? If that happens, my needs won't be met! Why can't anyone think about me for a change?"

I guess no one can win in my world.

Tuesday's Apartment 3-G

2007-08-15T21:05:00.000-05:00

We now know that during Margo's little recovery party escapade to Eric Mills's, she didn't bother mentioning the fact that she left a party devoted to her roommate recovering from carbon monoxide poisoning that he was tangentially related to. Which means, of course, that Margo Magee is the best comics character. Ever.

Eric has to have some sense of what happened since he's bobbling his head in panel three as a result of a perfectly vague expression. I'm going to guess that Margo was unexpectedly happy during sex, and he knew that someone had to have died, or at least came close to it.

Tuesday's Crock

2007-08-15T21:01:00.000-05:00

It's a Zen koan here. I'm thinking that the creators of Crock put together a comic that defies all explanation. Any joke in this comic will somehow contradict an element of the artwork or the words. It's a joke perfect in its meaninglessness.

Tuesday's Hi and Lois

2007-08-15T18:26:00.000-05:00

Damn, Trixie looks angry here. It's like, don't fucking write off what I'm drawing here, Lois. It's almost as if being the cute several decades just isn't as fun as it used to be.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that this is an exclusive Trixie/Lois excursion. Everyone else got away from her annoying prattle, but I'm the one who's too small to get away. Let me see if I can at least get away with some good grub.

Get Fuzzy

2007-08-13T22:03:00.000-05:00

I don't think I've ever put up a Get Fuzzy here. Maybe because it's actually funny....

This is an actual queer reference, however miniscule. We exist, dammit!

But this does remind me that I wanted to share this all with you, the story of the "Lawrence comes out" storyline, as told by Lynn Johnston. I just found it the other day, and I have to say, it gives me a little more respect for the Johnston. While her writing has gotten worse, I think that her art has improved a lot over the last 15 years. I wonder if people would have the same reaction to a gay character in a mainstream comic nowadays. Is this progress?

Pluggers

2007-08-13T22:02:00.000-05:00

You're a Plugger if you can't quite grasp the "Put grounds here" and the "Put water there" concepts.

They'll Do It Every Time

2007-08-13T21:56:00.000-05:00

You know how grass grows? Well, sometimes, if it grows in front of an object, you can't see that other object! *The urge to mow that lawn*

But seriously, the "grass growing" complaint has to be one of the lamest that TDIET has taken on, ever. Although I have to admit that it's funny seeing a dude walking by a sign that says "Welcome to Dorksburg" and saying "Wow!"

Poll and Sunday comics

2007-08-13T01:03:00.000-05:00

OK, it's far too late to do the Sunday comics now, but since I can't get them to work on the Houston Chronicle's site, I'm going to have to piece the ones I like together on a bunch of other webpages. Is there a way to get them to work on Chron.com?

Also, I put up a poll to your right there. A few people have asked me whom I'm writing to, and usually I say "Comics enthusiasts". But it does make me curious, since I've picked up links from both gay and straight sites, and I've seen indications both ways from the comments. It only takes 5 seconds to do, and please don't do it more than once. Thanks!

Saturday's Gil Thorp

2007-08-13T00:43:00.000-05:00

Oh, my. You all were telling me about eh crotch-shot coming in Gil Thorp, but I wasn't expecting this. I mean, man, that's a lot of crotch. What's the fold above Bill Ritter's right leg? Is that...? Oh my, the comics' first cock-shot. Right there. In Gil Thorp. Not what I expected at all.

The bigger question is Why? Shouldn't the focus be on both Gil Thorp and Bill Ritter? Or just Bill Ritter since he's the one who's talking? Or his legs (not the third one, haw haw) since he's talking about his legs? Is Frank McLaughlin just in a crotch-drawing mood?

Or is this that certain artistic technique McLaughlin engages in every now and then: character cam! He did it this past week with Assistant Coach Kaz and recently with Branden Zoller. Is this.... Thorp-Cam?

I, of course, totally want this to be true. Then again, I won't be satisfied until there's been a gay orgy in every comic, including TDIET.

From the Like It Is Dep't: Lugbutt doesn't care about condoms when he tops.... Don't worry, I'm clean, I never bottom, I just got tested four times last week, I never have sex with anyone else, I eat squid every day, etc., etc.

But then, when it's his turn to bottom, guess who's the health nut? Oh, YE-E-E-E-AH! I can't believe you'd even think about barebacking! That's so irresponsible, demeaning, disrespectful...

Am I missing something here?

Saturday's For Better or For Worse

2007-08-13T00:41:00.000-05:00

Well, Lizardbreath has the spoiled French Canadian/English Canadian children ~~with career mothers who stood up for themselves and left loveless marriages to mustachiod philanderers~~ without mothers vote. So can the wedding happen yet?

I can't wait for it any longer. It's like watching a movie for the fiftieth time and just waiting for the boring part to be over. Actually, it's not like that, it is that, except for the fact that it's not a movie.

Saturday's Zits

2007-08-13T00:35:00.000-05:00

I always thought that the reason Jeremy wears the open flannel is because he hasn't been redesigned since the mid-90's when Zits was started, in much the same way Jughead wears a crown or Dagwood wears that strange bow-tie suit with one button. That was a lame fashion, one that I participated in, and I'm glad it's dead (please tell me it's dead).

But I'm going to have to rethink that hypothesis now that Walt is buying it. Jeremy could have made a comment about how his dad is ten years behind the times, but that would be admitting that Zits illustrator Jim Borgman hasn't been in touch with real teens since then.

Saturday's Hi and Lois

2007-08-13T00:32:00.000-05:00

HA HA! Lois thought she was going to be bitten by a poisonous snake and die! Hilarious! Instead, it was just their infant who was left on the ground in a desert and ignored long enough for her to crawl behind a rock! They would have forgotten her and gone home if she didn't scare her mother to death! Too funny!

Friday's Pluggers

2007-08-12T14:20:00.000-05:00

"Pluggers are too stupid to realize that their husband's indiscretions are what's behind mysterious credit card charges with no receipts or explanations."

I believe the man-dog's facial expression catches it all.

Friday's For Better or For Worse

2007-08-12T13:55:00.000-05:00

It's interesting that Elizabeth is being painted as "good with kids" because she not only caves in to Francoise's begging and whining, but does so with such gusto that "ice cream" turns into "giant fudge and caramel sundae". After several years with Lizardbreath, I can imagine Francoise turning into such a pampered and spoiled child that, when she asks if she can learn to drive and Elizabeth doesn't immediately buy her a pink Hummer, she throws a temper tantrum that results in the former-Patterson being thrown down the stairs and Francoise spending a few years at juvie (or whatever Canadians call it... "jouvie"?).

For a moment there, I thought the speech balloon that says, 'What does "usurp" mean?' was coming from Anthony. That would explain his looking confused at Elizabeth, instead of fawning over her for taking Therese's place of overpowering him so swiftly.

Friday's Gil Thorp

2007-08-12T13:46:00.000-05:00

As I draw my pen to depict the beauty that is Gil Thorp, I realize the only way to frame such radiance is with Bill Ritter's crotch.

-Gil Thorp artist Frank McLaughlin (imaginarily attributed)

Friday's Dennis the Menace

2007-08-12T13:41:00.000-05:00

Oh, well now DtM is making fun of everyone who wears glasses. Niiiiiiiice. I suppose this is less "Dennis the Menace" acting out here and more a performance of "Dennis the Schoolyard Bully with Low Self-esteem that Makes Him Insult Others' Appearance". On second thought, DtSBwLStMHIOA would probably be a great comic that could be disrupted periodically with trips to the shrink telling him to get over his parents' loveless marriage.

I'd read that mess.

Friday's 9 Chickweed Lane

2007-08-12T13:05:00.000-05:00

One of the comics I didn't catch up on after my hiatus was 9 Chickweed Lane. While it has the only regularly featured queer character in all of the comics that I follow, I can't get over the fact that it reads like a 16-year-old's Sex and the City fantasy and actually praise it for its inclusiveness along the lines of sexuality.

It's queer inclusive. There, I said it.

But without having caught up on the current plotline, which I just started reading this week with Edda getting some woman (her mother the perfessor?) to try on a revealing dress, I don't know what to make of this. The past few days have been devoted to some grotesque Queer Eye for the Straight Former Clergy Guy. (I concede I don't really know who's whom in 9CL. I can't get much help from McEldowney's own website, so I'm going to assume that every man I don't know is the former priest guy and every woman I don't know is a professor.) It's all climaxed to this, where the gay couple is overjoyed at their creation, a modern Gomez Addams. (Is Gomez Addams supposed to be the ideal of gay male beauty and straight guys just don't get this? Is that the joke?)

Well, the long and short of this is that, taken in isolation, this comic is crazy. Taken in the context of the past week, this comic is even crazier. So I'm guessing that if I read this and fully caught up, I'd find out that these two people are being dressed up to go meet a telepathic unicorn in hopes that it won't execute them for having eaten its last leek. At which point I'd be huddled in the corner asking McEldowney to make it stop, please make it stop.

Thursday's Gil Thorp

2007-08-11T00:23:00.000-05:00

I KNOW I LOVE GAIL MARTIN!!!

And Assistant Coach Kaz is no sloucher. In panel one, when most people would just be listening, Assistant Coack Kaz is practicing his Judo chops right behind Gail's head. "You want her royalties, buddy? I'll show you royalties! Judo chop!"

Thursday's Funky Winkerbean

2007-08-11T00:14:00.000-05:00

I know Funky Winkerbean's thing is the be the depressing comic. Like to the point of comedic absurdism. But I still wonder how much Batiuk is in on the joke. Does he sit around and think of the most depressing things ever? Does he have a Jar of Grief in his kitchen where he writes down his most morose thoughts as he reads stories about puppies having to be shot by their owners, young lovers deciding that if they can't be together in life then they'll be together in death, and wizened elderly women dying because their dreams are just too big for their fragile bodies?

Because the "making tapes for all of Summer's important life moments after Lisa realizes she's going to die of cancer" is probably one of the most depressing things ever. It's like Batiuk pulled it out of the Jar of Grief and said, "Yes, yes, I haven't been that depressing since last Tuesday!"

Thursday's Spiderman

2007-08-11T00:10:00.000-05:00

Taken out of context, this is really a fun panel. Not only do we hear about MJ wanting to ride a proud stallion with Peter right there behind her, we find out that Peter's mind is elsewhere, dreaming of sitting astride his own proud stallion. I think I'll keep this panel for later.

Thursday's Crock

2007-08-11T00:08:00.000-05:00

Well, yes. Apparently they are.

Thursday's Dennis the Menace

2007-08-10T23:36:00.000-05:00

Well, weird.

I was watching television on a Saturday morning recently and I found that Saturday morning cartoons aren't the same as when I grew up. They pretty much don't exist anymore - I saw a lot of other stuff on there, but not many cartoons. So is DtM actually less than two decades behind the times?

That's one level of weirdness.

The other one is the fact that one of those cartoons I grew up watching was "Dennis the Menace" (Dennis, Dennis, Dennis the Menace...). So when Dennis is telling Joey about his dad, who I guess is only a few years older than I, growing up watching Saturday morning cartoons he's actually talking about his dad watching his unborn son on the TV as a child.

Total mind-trip.

Wednesday's Crock

2007-08-10T23:29:00.000-05:00

I really don't like Crock, because usually it's completely nonsensical, but today's ~~was funny~~ ~~made me smile~~ ~~made sense~~ had a quality that was identifiable as a joke. I think that they're going with a new format, less observational comedy and more gross-out.

Wednesday's Blondie

2007-08-10T23:25:00.002-05:00

I never really imagined Dagwood in the sort of job where one strikes. I thought of it more as the type where one just does a half-assed job, which he seems to accomplish on the daily.

I think I'm on to something here, as any union that has Dagwood as a leader obviously hasn't been around the block. Although I'm charmed at the thought of a union that calls a possible strike "a fabulous idea", "brilliant", and "genius" and the idea of a union that for a moment thinks it can strike without telling anyone.

Wednesday's Beetle Bailey

2007-08-10T23:16:00.000-05:00

I don't think there's really a doubt in anyone's mind (if there is, please speak in the comments, I'd love to hear about it) that BB is the most sexist comic in the funny pages. There's really no competing with this. I was going to make a comment about how the second panel in isolation is pretty insane, but then I realized that the first panel isn't really doing anything to diminish that. I then further realized that I have become so numb to this insanity that a guy could literally be telling women in the workplace to call him a "Hunk! Woo! Woo!" with "more spirit" while another woman with an angry facial expression (because women who don't like to be harassed are just angry) could stick out her ass at the first woman in a yawning void and the whole absurdity of the situation would barely register.

I, obviously, read too much BB. Then again, there wouldn't be a Qomics for Queers website without it.

Wednesay's Apartment 3-G

2007-08-10T22:38:00.000-05:00

Blaze Wright, wearing the cowboy hats,
Blaze Wright, when he's not it's black cravats
Blaze Wright is straight out of a Western fiiiiiiiilm
And when Blaze stands next to you you are as weeeeeeeeeeeeell
Blaze Wright will act like he cares about gas leaks at a local cafe
Blaze Wright won't point out that you almost killed his cousin, hey
Blaze Wright is fightin' for what's right
He's the one named Blaze Wright,
He's the one named Blaze Wright,
He's the one, Blaze Wright!

Don't ask me to sing that one. :)

Tuesday's Gil Thorp

2007-08-09T02:14:00.000-05:00

The artwork in Gil Thorp can teach you a lot of things. In panel one I learned that Gail Martin's drummer can only speak while behind a drum kit. In panel two we find that the mysterious letter-writer is leaving the letters in the equipment, instead of, you know, mailing them like a normal stalker would. In panel three, we learn that in an attempt to be absolutely secure, Gail Martin has attached her head to Assistant Coach Kaz's neck.

Tuesday's Mary Worth

2007-08-09T01:52:00.000-05:00

This is probably the closest we'll get to a cunnilingus in Mary Worth. Let's enjoy it.

Tuesday's Wizard of Id

2007-08-09T01:43:00.000-05:00

Excuses, excuses.

And yes, I'm that guy who thinks that everyone's gay just because they aren't married, apparently. :P

Tuesday's Crock

2007-08-09T01:41:00.000-05:00

Oh, my.... She won a "facial". And it'll make the boys look at her. There's a joke here somewhere....

Tuesday's Blondie

2007-08-09T01:24:00.000-05:00

Well, we all know what Elmo's looking at in panel one, and the dialogue works with it in both panels one and two. Panel three, well, if you are already thinking that he's looking where he looks like he's looking, it leads you to only one conclusion....

Comics Shit Fetish Watch, 2007

Monday's comics

2007-08-07T23:35:00.000-05:00

Well drawn crotches. Always lots of well drawn crotches in Archie.

Sarge is compensating for his small penis, and the chaplain wants in on the Beetle and Sarge action.

Pluggers Inferno!

2007-08-07T23:12:00.000-05:00

Pluggers. 'Nuf said.

7/21:

Try to unthink the naked sleeping Pluggers. Naked sleeping Pluggers in your bathroom. Naked sleeping Pluggers in your bed. Mmmmmmmmmm.... That's what gets me going: obese genetic freak beast-people who were never meant to be, all naked.

On second thought, that only makes sense if by "going" I meant "vomiting".

7/30:

Wherein Cal Ripkin Jr. sued Pluggers creator Brookins for defamation.

8/1:

So a kangaroo gave birth to a dog? Is that the real joke? Is Pluggers pushing the "God's joke on humanity" angle instead of the "actually funny joke" angle today?

Mary Worth Inferno!

2007-08-07T22:24:00.000-05:00

Ah, Mary Worth. The comic that people always tell me I'm crazy after they find out that I read it. Seriously, I might bring up a Mary Worth-ism in conversation, and the whole room stops talking and it's like: B-WAAAH??? But I can't help myself - Alex needs to read his stories!

7/24:

It's really lame for a college student to have to lie to her father about where she's going. But then again she's going after another Charterstone resident's ho son, so maybe she needs the cover. Although it is strange that she spends enough time in Charterstone hanging out with Wilbur for him to notice a few horsey dates. Maybe Dawn just needs better friends. Or to be drawn so that she looks under 50.

7/28:

Those aren't "love lines" coming from the happy couple there, they're "dirty skank" lines. But Drew's a robust young stallion, so it's just Dawn that this reflects poorly on. Especially since she's drawn much worse than he.

7/31:

OK, what in the world is Dawn wearing? A T-shirt with two Pikachu heads on a plate? Does that make sense?

I suppose that the MW artist thought that s/he had to show that Dawn was young, and Pokemon was the easiest way to do that, instead of, you know, giving her a trendy hairstyle or fewer wrinkles or trendy clothes. Because everyone under 50 loves Pokemon.

Just one FBOFW

2007-08-07T09:55:00.000-05:00

From 7/24:

I don't really know what the joke is here, but here are some ideas I came up with:

April and Eva hate "Rebecca" so much that it makes them throw up.
They really don't want to go on after "Rebecca", so between panels 3 and 4 they got wasted and now need to go to the bathroom.
"Fluid" is actually Canadian slang for "angry", and they're headed off to the women's room to gossip.
Eva and April are into watersports, and April finds being peed on so relaxing that she's asking Eva to do it in public.
The fluidity they're referring to is actually gender fluidity, and they're headed off to the bathroom to get in drag in an attempt to upstage "Rebecca".

Any other ideas?

Gil Thorp Inferno!

2007-08-07T09:26:00.001-05:00

And I thought I would be able to avoid the siren call of Gil Thorp, but these two, oh, these two.

Like this one from an undisclosed date:

Sure, Kaz and Thorp are just running in skin-tight T-shirts in panel one, but in panel two, Thorp is fucking Kaz's brains out. And right in the street? Some boys have no shame.

8/4:

Kaz's "sleuthing" leaves a lot to be desired. Sure, he's got the asking questions part down, but now he should ask people who are, you know, not in her band. Like maybe the tech crew. Or friends and fans. And ask them about other people. Did he really think the drummer was going to say, "I'm sending anonymous hate mail about this band to Gail Martin"? Well, maybe he did expect for that to happen, but....

I do like the panel two rendition of what the GT artist believes a "rough-looking" person would look like. Moustache and sunglasses? Apparently.

It's way late

2007-08-07T03:09:00.000-05:00

Ok, it's way late and I'm not caught up. But I'll be back tomorrow. I promise. I just checked the content lined up for Bilerico for tomorrow and I'll have some free time. :)

Family Circus Inferno!

2007-08-07T02:55:00.000-05:00

OK, and I'll do Family Circus.

From 7/18:

I really like the facial expressions on the kids here. Billy's look of disappointment is probably him realizing that as a first child of the same sex as his father he's going to grow up to be a lot like his old man, and he's worried about that goddamn sense of humor.

Dolly's face shows she just doesn't get the joke, or that she's choosing not to show that she got the joke. As in "We are not amused." The idea of a little Keane being a complete snob and totally snooty to the character portraying the cartoon's creator really amuses me.

PJ, looking right at the parrot and smiling, seems to be thinking Birdie, birdie, birdie! I want a birdie! Bully for him, he missed his dad's lame joke and maybe, just maybe, his blossoming ADD will prevent him from ever falling victim to it.

But Jeffy's, as always, takes the cake. He's the only one who looks ready to fuck someone up. Someone should really take that sword away from him before he takes out his rage on his mom.

7/24:

I don't know what it is about two little white girls standing around and trash talking Uncle Tom that makes me smile, but it's something.

7/31:

I don't think it was a good move for The Family Circus to go into reruns. People will be reminded that there was a time in history when it didn't suck.

Beetle Bailey Inferno!

2007-08-07T02:35:00.000-05:00

OK, and I'll catch up on BB. I mean, this comic is my bread and butter on this site.

7/18:

The expression on Ms. Blips's face in panel two just makes this whole comic for me. It's like the two are walking along, total lipstick/butch couple, and they want to play football, of course, but Miss Buxley doesn't want anyone copping a feel (that isn't evidence of her being a lesbian, just evidence of her being familiar with Camp Swampy), and Ms. Blips is just thinking Yeah, eat it, boys! But we'll be playing touch football later tonight, where she's the coach, and I'm the rookie who's out of line....

Killer, though, is completely shocked. What? Women weren't just created for consumption by men? Am I in the right comic?

7/19:

Is it just me, or do Beetle and Sarge seem like a total pair of dads here? Too cute!!!

7/25:

OK, I have no idea why Miss Buxley is at home almost naked when she calls the General instead of in G-rated-safe-for-the-children pajamas here. Unless she's lying about the repairman and she's just getting back to bed with a certain fellow secretary....

8/3:

Moral of the story: Don't withhold sex from your Commanding Officer.

Apartment 3-G inferno!

2007-08-07T02:01:00.000-05:00

OK, I said I'd let it go, but I am catching up on a few of my favorite comics. Like A3G.

From 7/21:

Wouldn't it be really funny if Dr. Kelly's first name was actually "Nathan" or something? And he was just turned on by Tommie calling him "Joe"? And his whole purpose in life was to creep out/make smile boring nurses with his strange fetishes?

Wouldn't you have a new-found respect for A3G if there were a character like that? I know I would.

From 7/25:

Ah! Blaze's silly hat is back!

And "It's good to see" his sister. And she wants to go into the kitchen for *ahem* LuAnn and Alan's privacy. And he's grabbing her "ass".... Oh, wait, that's not said, it's shown.

Either way, I learned from this day's A3G that cowboy hat and Southern accent always mean incest.

7/26:

Or maybe I'm too stupid! Boo hoo!

7/28:

Margo Magee: Still the greatest comics character. Ever.

One cool thing about reading one comic sequentially instead of all the comics of a certain day is that you notice the time between the strips better. Consider these two from 8/2 and 3:

The last panel of 8/2 shows that Margo is "putting the moves" on Eric, whatever those moves would be (try to unthink that!). Then in panel one of 8/3, it's over as soon as it began, with Eric falling asleep during sex, and Margo's hair's not even ruffled.

We've all already read the next day's, but how many of you when you saw panel three there were really hoping it was opium she found?

I'm back!!!!!

2007-08-07T01:45:00.001-05:00

I've been gone for a while, yes, and it's been mostly because of Bilerico (and real work!). As someone pointed out in that comment thread of the previous post, I posted a bunch of articles there last week, and we're really trying to maintain 10 long-form posts a day over there and 15 total posts a day (it doesn't always work out). It can be hectic when the other 32 contributors all up and decide that there's nothing worth posting about for a certain day and I pick up the slack.

And it's also hard learning how to promote that site and do the back-end stuff over there. It's exciting because I just got press credentials for one of our contributors to live-blog from the presidential debate this Thursday, and I've been soliciting guest posts from really cool people who I'm humbled will even reply to my emails, and I've been working with way-smart writers who've really impacted my life to get them web 2.0 enabled.

And then there's the copy-editing, Lord, the copy-editing. Let me tell you all, just because someone's been on the NY Times best-seller list or ran a multi-million dollar-budgeted advocacy group or has a PhD or a JD doesn't mean that he/she/ze knows how to use a comma or will proofread a post or will check that all the links go to real webpages.

Anyway, it was all that work and then it all snow-balled out of control. I was tied to the idea that I had to "catch up", which I'd really love to do if I had time. But I don't. So I'm going to give myself a break since I actually really, really, really love this blog, and I really, really, really love you all reading it and having fun and leaving comments (especially the nice, concerned ones on the last post!).

I haven't even had time to read the comics from the previous two weeks, and I love reading the comics. But I'm going to re-double my commitment to this blog and make sure that a hiatus like this one doesn't happen again, at least without an explanation from me.

But I'm going to guess that Vera's still rejecting the young doctor. I'm going to go read now to find out!

Gil Thorp

2007-07-16T23:12:00.000-05:00

After half-way fainting in panel one, we find out that the way to Kelly's heart is through fists of fury. In fact, assistant coach Kaz's fists are so powerful that they seem to have melded with the "Tarzana Nights" lover's face in panel two. No matter, they're alright in panel three, when we see them up close in all their hairy glory.

Kudzu

2007-07-16T23:07:00.000-05:00

Another actual queer reference. I like the implication that every town worth anything in America should have a local drag queen. That's what I think!

Sunday's Luann

2007-07-16T22:32:00.000-05:00

Funny that this Luann should come out ten days after a study on the same subject that found:

Another stereotype — chatty gals and taciturn guys — bites the dust. Turns out, when you actually count the words, there isn't much difference between the sexes when it comes to talking.

A team led by Matthias R. Mehl, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Arizona, came up with the finding, which is published in Friday's issue of the journal Science. The researchers placed microphones on 396 college students for periods ranging from two to 10 days, sampled their conversations and calculated how many words they used in the course of a day.

The score: Women, 16,215. Men, 15,669.

The difference: 546 words: "Not statistically significant," say the researchers.

It's interesting because, as J. Goodrich points out, studies that show that men and women are different gain more traction in the media than those that don't. Since there was such a big hullabaloo over this study, and since it came out a little under two weeks ago, one has to wonder if the writer of Luann just chose to ignore it, misconstrue it, or if the comic was written right before it came out and ~~she~~ he now feels a little silly.

I suppose that writing Luann would make someone constantly feel silly, so that's not that big of a deal.

Saturday's Beetle Bailey

2007-07-16T02:54:00.000-05:00

Eyes are up here, Beetle.